So, out of the 8 readers of my blog I email with most of you semi-regularly, so I've probably told you about C. And the other person who reads this is his sister, so...she knows (hi Carlye!)

But for those of you that I haven't emailed lately (sorry!)....this is Chris. Or C, as I've been referring to him here lately.

1. Get cheated on.*
2. Spend several months eating your feelings and using the cheating as an excuse to stop working out, live on french fries and ice cream and be generally lazy.
3. Panic when you notice you've gained a few pounds.
4. Travel a lot for work. Make sure these trips include sampling the local fare (the fattier the better) and taking clients out for dinner and drinks every single night. Also try not to sleep during these trips.
5. Meet the man of your dreams.
6. Get back on the scale and realize the few pounds has turned into several pounds.
7. Start working out twice a day and being really strict with what you eat.
8. Surround yourself with things that will make you feel fat.
9. Forget about the important things in life so you have more time to focus on working out and obsessing over what you eat.
10. Have a mini breakdown to the man of your dreams on a Sunday night and realize that you are driving yourself crazy. That there is so much more to you than how much you weigh, and that being a size 4 instead of a size 2 is not the end of the world. Realize you sound bratty when you complain about being a size 4.

More to come on this, in which I try to recover from the self-inflicted crazy.



*Don't actually get cheated on, if you can help it.

A friend showed me this short film last night and I can't stop thinking about it. So beautiful, and so well done.


Nuit Blanche from Spy Films on Vimeo.

I have been overwhelmed this week with gratitude for the lovely people in my life. Friends and family who support me and love me, coworkers who are so patient and funny, and random nice people (like neighbors) who make me smile when I run into them.

Finishing exams has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, and it's been so easy to be happy and content. I wish I was better at feeling that way during times of stress as well, but I definitely let myself get anxious when there are big things at stake. (You know, like finishing my masters.)

In an effort to get better at relaxing, I want to take some time occasionally to write down things that make me happy, so I don't forget to appreciate the little things.

Tonight, I'm grateful for:
- sunny, warm weather and the opportunity to enjoy it
- friends who are like family to me
- new friends that I can't wait to get to know better
- Midasman, always

Ever have one of those days you have trouble describing because you know no one will get it except the people who lived it?

And you know that you'll remember it forever no matter what happens in the future, because it was  perfect. Even the imperfect parts. And you want to tell everyone about this day and this person because how could you keep it in? But you promised, you and this person, that it would just be for the two of you. Just for us and no one else.

Ever had one of those days?

Sometimes, when I'm on a first date, I feel this weird need to justify why I might be single. Like my date is judging me for not being in a relationship. And then I realize he's single, too.

Sometimes I just want to be in a relationship so that someone else will go get the Cafe Rio when it's raining.

Amount of time I spend picking out a necklace to wear on a first date: 10 minutes
Amount of time date spends looking at necklace: maybe 1 second

Sometimes when you're making out with a guy something might happen and you think 'ow' and then move on. But if it actually causes you say 'ow' out loud...it will probably leave a bruise. 

When it rains, it usually pours.

The non-committal guy will usually feel a lot more committal when he realizes you're going out on dates with other guys.

Sometimes on a date you have to sneak to the bathroom and call your friend to get you out of it. I love being the friend that gets the call. I am a master of fake break up phone calls/texts. My latest fake boyfriend's name is Trevor, truly an occurrence of life imitating art, as he's a character in my screenplay.

Sometimes you have to carry a camera so you have an excuse not to hold hands. A dog also works for this.

Yes, I'm offering you some of my milkshake, but I don't really want you to have any. I'm complicated. (PS I'm talking about a literal milkshake, not some sort of metaphor for tail.)

With the right guy, snuggling in front of a movie is the best date ever. With the wrong guy, you will be counting down the minutes until the credits start to roll.

Good dancer usually equals good kisser. I don't know why that is. Something about rhythm.

Sometimes 'when are you coming back?' is the closest you'll get to 'I miss you'

The 'right' guy isn't always the right guy. Sure, he may be perfect on paper, and he may be perfect in real life. But if there's no spark, you can't force it.

The guy who texts you every time he knows you're on a date with someone else? Probably a little bit into you.

Every year at Thanksgiving we think of the things we're grateful for. And usually it's the big things...our families, our freedom, etc. And I'm thankful for those big things, I really am. But sometimes it's nice to look at the little, unexpected things that make life bearable.

So this year my list is not the obvious things. It's the unobvious things.

1. my roommate Laura, who always has great advice and is just lovely in general.
2-4. 30 Rock
5.Village Inn, because it's open 24 hours and I usually want pie after my Wednesday night class.
6. Solid food. After a week of pudding and smoothies, solid food is still rocking my world.
7. Salt Lake Library
8. Scented candles
9. my ugly, super warm and comfy boots
10. Netflix, because it brings me (among other things) 30 Rock
11. new music
12. unexpectedly hilarious afternoons with C just when I need them
13. text messages from friends that are exactly what I need to hear
14. flannel pajamas
15. new friends
16. when people play with my hair
17. Cafe Rio
18. my car, Babe. Maybe I'm a little obsessed, but she makes me so happy.

OK, couldn't resist:
19. my dad, who flew across the country to take care of me after I had my wisdom teeth out. He iced my face while I slept and fixed everything that was broken in my apartment. He helped me take out trash, clean my room, and organize my closet. Plus all that other stuff the last 27 years.

20. my mom, who listens to me say the same things over and over again and never complains. And who always thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful and the best kid ever.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is, in my opinion, the most important love we will ever know.

It is the love the brings a dad 2000 miles just to take care of his daughter after oral surgery. It is the love that makes him into a Papa Bear who wants to break the legs of anyone who ever hurt me. It is when I can hear in my parents' voices the pain they feel when I am hurting. When they tell me they just want me home for a while, because they believe that being home, with them, will help fix what's wrong. It is because they're right about that.
 
It is a cool hand on my forehead when I feel sick, and a freshly made bed when I come home. It is sitting in my room when they talk on the phone to me, and signing texts 'Love, Us'. It is pictures of the wildlife in the yard. It is coming to get me from college when I'm too sick to take the train.

It is always wanting what is best for me, and reminding me that I should want that, too. It is being in my corner when I need them. Always betting on me, even when the odds aren't in my favor.
It is unconditional, unbreakable, and cannot be stretched too thin. It is undeserved, which makes it even better. It is my end all, be all, keeps me going, what more could I ask for love.

“To say ‘I love you’ one must know first how to say the ‘I.’”

I want to be like my parents. I know that isn't something people say often, and sure, I want to be my own person.

But seriously? Check out this picture of my parents from my cousin's wedding last weekend.

I hate when I don't have any posts between music mondays...oh well. It's because I'm busy living a life, I suppose.

My love for Dave Matthews Band goes back years and years. I think I was in fifth grade when Under the Table and Dreaming came out, and my sister had the CD. I listened to it constantly, and the rest is history. Dave Matthews was my first real concert: Veteran Stadium (before it was torn down) in 1999 or 2000 (I can't believe I can't remember which!) with Ralph. That was the night we got left behind by my friend's parents and had to find our way through Philly after midnight to get to 30 street station, where my dad came and picked us up (that's a whole other story).

This music makes me happy. And I love this song. I want to dance to it at my wedding, and I want to feel this way about someone.

You and I, we're not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed, we're gonna spin through the stars
Our arms wide as the sky
We gonna ride the blue all the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes

because it's

Spring
thingS

dare to do people

(& not
the other way

round)because it

's A
pril

Lives lead their own

persons(in
stead

of everybodyelse's)but

what's wholly
marvellous my

Darling

is that you &
i are more than you

& i(be

ca
us

e It's we)

ee cummings

I missed last week's Music Monday...I was busy with life and school and silly things like that.

It might be weird and sappy, but I really love posting a song here on Mondays. It's usually relevant to what I've been feeling, or it's just a song that I really love and want to share. This week, it's both. Not only do the lyrics to this song describe my life in a sort of perfect way, I also really love this song. It sounds kind of desperate and I like that sound.

I can't embed the official video but definitely click on the link to the left. It's Carolina Liar's song "Show Me What I'm Looking For"

I mentioned A Fine Frenzy. And my friend Melissa. I was listening to the album quite a bit, and mentioned that "Happier" is one of my favorite songs.

I made a joke that it would help me get over a non-breakup with someone I'm not dating (what? I'm complicated...) and she said: "Oh, I was thinking ***** (guy I was sort of dating but shouldn't be)....'you go on and i'll go on and i'll be happier'"

The song is about a breakup, and the singer is unhappy about it, but Mel was seeing it as a good thing to be moving on...'you'll be gone and I'll be happier'

Why is it so hard to let go of things, even when we know they aren't good for us? For me, I think part of it is the idea of getting rid of a sure thing to take a risk that might not pan out. I'm not so good at risks, you see. I often feel there is this inevitability that things will turn out badly, and to protect myself I do the easy thing, or the stupid thing, or the numbing thing, instead of facing the uncertainty.

In a way, it is just as scary when things turn out the way you want them to.

But, I am letting go of the things that aren't good for me. Scratch that, I have let go of them.

I keep a list of books I want to read on my iPhone (which is known for hilarious spelling autocorrections).

I was just typing in 'Love is a mixtape', and iPhone wanted to correct mixtape to mistake...

I'm a sucker. And I can admit it. I love Valentine's Day. I love the candy, and the sappiness, and the romantic comedy marathons, and the pink decorations.

So, in honor of today, a special edition of Music Monday complete with several of my favorite love songs. Because it's my blog and I can do that.

Eric Clapton w/ Wyclef Jean - Wonderful Tonight (it's a reggae version, not the original, but still good)


Billy Joel - Just the Way You Are


The Beach Boys - God Only Knows


Stevie Wonder - I Believe (When I Fall in Love)


And, my hands down favorite song of all time:
Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody


Happy Valentine's Day!

I saw this Storycorps animated video on A Cup of Jo (a blog that I really like, and not just because she has the same name as me) and had to repost it. It's such a beautiful, bittersweet love story. It reminds me of the 'real couple' interludes in When Harry Met Sally, which happens to be one of my favorite movies.

Enough talk, just watch it.

Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.