I love Valentine's Day. Mostly because it is an excuse to eat candy. And I typically love being single on Valentine's Day because I can do what I want, no expectation of some wildly romantic evening that certainly won't live up to what I imagine.

On this VD, I decided my Valentine is Adele, even though she doesn't know it, and doesn't reciprocate. This was a big weekend for Adele. Swept the Grammys and wowed the crowd (and everyone watching) with an amazing performance. So I've been listening to 21 today, reminiscing.

You see, there was a day, several months ago, when I sort of ran away. I left where I was, dressed in a pencil skirt and heels, got in my car and drove north. With no destination. I put 21 on repeat and cried my way north. For hours. I was hurting. I had never hurt so bad in my life. I didn't think I would make it. It's not that I wanted to die...I just thought I would. I figured I would stop breathing any minute now, and they would discover me in my car with Adele on repeat.

But I kept breathing. And driving. And crying. (So much crying.) And listening to Adele like I would find an answer somewhere between Rolling in the Deep and I Found a Boy. I didn't find an answer. But I found a companion.

Eventually, I went home. Not by choice. After that I changed the station every time Someone Like You came on because it was guaranteed to make me cry.

But that was months ago. I am better. 21 is an old friend again, instead of someone who witnessed me at my worst, who I'm embarrassed to see like that girl in high school who finds you crying in the bathroom.

OK, enough rambling. Happy Valentine's Day.

As weekends go...this one wasn't my best. There's no need to get into it right now. But a weird phenomenon that I've experienced a few times before recurred this weekend/today, and I felt the need to document it.

See, sometimes when I turn on the radio it knows how I'm feeling and plays a perfect set of songs. Like...perfect. It knows what I need. And this weekend, I apparently needed to hear "I Will Survive"...both the original Diana Ross version and the Cake cover. Three times.

It's not really a message I'm ready to here, but I appreciate that the radio is trying.

I had this tenth grade history teacher who taught us about harmonic convergence. Technically, it's some new age astrology thing about planets aligning or something. But the way he used it is the way I always have...that harmonic convergence occurs when the universe throws several of the same things at you at once. A little more than coincidence and a little less than fate or something.

I wish I could think of a good example...but I just can't. Maybe something like 'when it rains it pours.'

Anyway...my harmonic convergence of the week is that no matter when I'm in the car lately, "Single Ladies" comes on. I've heard it maybe 10 times in the past week or so. It's ridiculous. And it gets in my head.

But I have to admit, the universe has me pegged right now.

I mentioned A Fine Frenzy. And my friend Melissa. I was listening to the album quite a bit, and mentioned that "Happier" is one of my favorite songs.

I made a joke that it would help me get over a non-breakup with someone I'm not dating (what? I'm complicated...) and she said: "Oh, I was thinking ***** (guy I was sort of dating but shouldn't be)....'you go on and i'll go on and i'll be happier'"

The song is about a breakup, and the singer is unhappy about it, but Mel was seeing it as a good thing to be moving on...'you'll be gone and I'll be happier'

Why is it so hard to let go of things, even when we know they aren't good for us? For me, I think part of it is the idea of getting rid of a sure thing to take a risk that might not pan out. I'm not so good at risks, you see. I often feel there is this inevitability that things will turn out badly, and to protect myself I do the easy thing, or the stupid thing, or the numbing thing, instead of facing the uncertainty.

In a way, it is just as scary when things turn out the way you want them to.

But, I am letting go of the things that aren't good for me. Scratch that, I have let go of them.

Before it's too late, I can't leave out my favorite Christmas song:



Happy holidays! I hope you get everything you want for Christmas