the amateur

1. Get cheated on.*
2. Spend several months eating your feelings and using the cheating as an excuse to stop working out, live on french fries and ice cream and be generally lazy.
3. Panic when you notice you've gained a few pounds.
4. Travel a lot for work. Make sure these trips include sampling the local fare (the fattier the better) and taking clients out for dinner and drinks every single night. Also try not to sleep during these trips.
5. Meet the man of your dreams.
6. Get back on the scale and realize the few pounds has turned into several pounds.
7. Start working out twice a day and being really strict with what you eat.
8. Surround yourself with things that will make you feel fat.
9. Forget about the important things in life so you have more time to focus on working out and obsessing over what you eat.
10. Have a mini breakdown to the man of your dreams on a Sunday night and realize that you are driving yourself crazy. That there is so much more to you than how much you weigh, and that being a size 4 instead of a size 2 is not the end of the world. Realize you sound bratty when you complain about being a size 4.

More to come on this, in which I try to recover from the self-inflicted crazy.



*Don't actually get cheated on, if you can help it.