the amateur

This weekend was a rollercoaster. 

This whole month has been a rollercoaster. 

I have gone from extreme highs (lovely Melissa's wedding) to extreme lows (sobbing because I don't think my department is going to let me graduate) and I'm exhausted. 

I've been working all day on my documentary, and while I've made a lot of progress, my laptop keeps randomly shutting down. Seemingly for no reason. And so I've been on the edge of tears of frustration all day. Also, there was a spider. 

But then a bunch of wonderful somethings happened. 

First, my dad sent me a video of my parents' puppy playing with a squeaky toy. 

Second, I got an amazing email from a professor I really admire, that went a little something like this...
Joanna: I remember I liked your essay on Coppola's Virgin Suicides, but this one which looked at all of her films was masterful. Elegant prose, wonderful insights, perfect organization. The argument was totally convincing, the details from each film exemplified the points being made--it's good enough to be considered for publication. If it were possible I'd give it a Pass with Distinction. My congratulations on a job well done!

I can't even tell you how much I needed to hear that. Given how much BS I've been dealing with from the rest of my department, this email was a beacon of hope to me. Reassurance that I'm doing well, and that someone cares that I'm working my tail off. 

Third, I clicked on a friend's link on Facebook to a blog post by a friend of hers who had just lost a baby at 34 weeks. And it changed my night. 

I'm grateful because Beth (my coworker) gave birth to a health baby girl last week and didn't have to endure the pain of losing her. I'm grateful because this woman who I don't even know shared the story of her faith in the midst of this crisis. You could say I've experienced a crisis of faith lately (and by lately, I mean over the past year) and reading her words was humbling to say the least. 

Fourth, Despicable Me is on. 

So there's my grateful list for today. 

The other thing? I just have to make it through 6 more days and I leave for London. I'm a lucky girl.