Showing posts with label how to. Show all posts

How to Drive Yourself Crazy

By | Published Tuesday, July 09, 2013

1. Get cheated on.*
2. Spend several months eating your feelings and using the cheating as an excuse to stop working out, live on french fries and ice cream and be generally lazy.
3. Panic when you notice you've gained a few pounds.
4. Travel a lot for work. Make sure these trips include sampling the local fare (the fattier the better) and taking clients out for dinner and drinks every single night. Also try not to sleep during these trips.
5. Meet the man of your dreams.
6. Get back on the scale and realize the few pounds has turned into several pounds.
7. Start working out twice a day and being really strict with what you eat.
8. Surround yourself with things that will make you feel fat.
9. Forget about the important things in life so you have more time to focus on working out and obsessing over what you eat.
10. Have a mini breakdown to the man of your dreams on a Sunday night and realize that you are driving yourself crazy. That there is so much more to you than how much you weigh, and that being a size 4 instead of a size 2 is not the end of the world. Realize you sound bratty when you complain about being a size 4.

More to come on this, in which I try to recover from the self-inflicted crazy.



*Don't actually get cheated on, if you can help it.

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how to get yourself over writer's block

By | Published Tuesday, November 15, 2011




I'm in a script writing class this semester. Scary, right?

It is to me.

We have to write at least 60 pages. And we have to do a reading at least 4 times this semester of no shorter than 10 pages. Basically, you print out copies of your script and then listen to other people butcher the lines. (I'm appalled at the reading-aloud skills of my fellow students.) It's exciting and sort of painful and sometimes really helpful.

The hardest part, obviously, is writing. So to force it out of me, I've come up with the following motivational exercises.
1. I drink a lot of water (I mean a lot) and then don't let myself go to the bathroom until I've written a certain number of pages.
2. I get really hungry and tell myself I can have something to eat when I've written x number of pages.
3. I turn off the internet on my laptop and give myself an internet break only when I've written a couple pages.
4. I take off my clothes and open the window until I'm pretty chilly and then add something every time I've written a page. (A shirt is usually the first thing back on.) It's like reverse strip poker. But for school.

These tactics may seem a little crazy, but you'd be surprised how fast you can write when you really have to pee.

Torture. It works.

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how to change your life in one summer

By | Published Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Warning: I'm about to pat my own back for an entire post.

I decided at the beginning of the summer that this would finally be the summer I did all the things I've intended to for a long time. Try new things, learn guitar, cook more, read more, etc...

I've had this sticky note on my computer for the past month or so, reminding myself of the things I want to do.

summer goals:
-eat healthier
-read more
-find a way to enjoy working out
-take more pictures
-make a movie
-write a short script
-learn guitar

What I've noticed, as I'm trying to do these things, is that I'm doing lots of new things...boating, camping, playing frisbee, learning to longboard. And I'm loving it. I love feeling like I've accomplished something, even if I haven't. I love feeling like I can conquer challenges and become somehow more than I am.

If that makes any sense. Which it probably doesn't.

My point is (if I have own) that I'm awesome. And summer is great. And sometimes, changing your life is really as easy as deciding to do just that.


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how to wear yourself out

By | Published Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Friday:
Get a minor sore throat. Stay on a shoot all day then stay out late.
Saturday:
Wake up early and spend the day outside in cold, light rain holding a boom mic. Ignore sore throat and stay up even later than the night before.
Sunday:
Wake up early for a meeting, teach two back-to-back lessons. Take brief nap in the sun. Smile at roommate's family dinner even though you just want to sleep. Finally admit you are feeling sick. Take Tylenol PM but don't get any sleep (this is key).
Monday:
Go to the health center. Make sure your throat is so swollen that you can't swallow and even breathing deeply hurts. Don't take any pain medication, then get stuck in traffic on the way to the grocery store. By this point you should be really hungry because you can't eat anything. Watch The Bachelor.
Tuesday:
Realize that the penicillin (large pills) they gave you to get rid of your horrible strep throat should be eaten with food. Realize that the ibuprofen you'll take so that you can swallow a little should also be taken with food, but you can't swallow yet. Go to a night class even though you are starting to lose your voice. Curl your hair so you don't feel so gross.
Wednesday:
If everything is going well, this day should blend into...
Thursday:
Eat nothing but mashed potatoes, pudding, and chicken noodle soup. Lose your voice even worse. Get motivated and clean your bathroom, go through your clothing, and paint your nails. Start vacuuming but then get very fatigued, leaving the vacuum inconveniently placed.
Friday:
Start to feel a little better. Go to Walmart because if you don't leave the house you'll die of cabin fever. Wander around for a while on the phone with your dad. Daydream about eating solid food. Go watch a movie with a friend, and stay there until midnight.
Saturday:
Drive to Vegas. Stay up very late.
Sunday:
Walk around for ten hours in Vegas. Stay up very late.
Monday:
Repeat.
Tuesday:
Drive back from Vegas. Celebrate the fact that your throat only hurts a little when you swallow. Stay up very late because you're body does not know what time/day it is.
Wednesday:
Take the last of your penicillin. Try to figure out where the last ten days went. Blog about it.

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