(As usual.)

Because tomorrow my comprehensive exams start, and I'm freaking.
...and if I don't pass these exams then I don't graduate my masters program.
...and the study guide is 400+ terms, at least 100 of which I've never heard of.

Because yesterday was a fantastic day, and even if nothing comes of this new thing I've got going on I'm really enjoying it for now, and it's good to be reminded that nice guys are out there.

Because this whole album (which came out on my birthday!) got me through a horrendous breakup.

Because TSwift is clearly my spirit animal and someone understands all my feelings despite being so very young.

Because I don't care if everyone I know makes fun of me and my un-ironic obsession with Taylor Swift.

Because this song makes me happy, and I could use a big dose of that right about now.

Please bear with me while I engage in some major white girl problems whining.

My fabulous and wonderful job is sending me to London for two weeks at the end of April!

But...this means that in the next four weeks I need to...
- attend a 3 day work summit thing
- throw a bridal shower for one of my favorite people the next day
- take comprehensive exams for two days straight on everything I've learned in three years of graduate school
- MAKE A FILM
- continue do my job 50+ hours a week

and for the bonus round...
- lose the 12 pounds I gained post breakup (oops!)
- try to have a life
- spend time with the best man in my life (Midasmonster, obviously)
- put in several hours a day waiting for the phone to ring

All of this begs the question: I can do all this, right? I can push myself to the breaking point for four weeks, and make it out fine on the other side. After all, I just have to PASS the exams, not ace them. I just have to MAKE the film, not win an academy award for it.

Better or worse, it's all over in four weeks. And then I get on a plane for London.

Somehow, I went from having a completely free and open weekend (the first in quite a while) to being busy every night.

Andddd I have a ton of things I want to get done:
- clean my room
- wash/change sheets (soooo annoying but so worth it)
- bake something! I'm in a baking mood lately, so I figure I should go with it.
- grade papers (don't so much want to as have to)
- write Monday's lecture (see above)
- paint my nails!
- run! This stupid sore throat has been preventing me and I'm so anxious to get running.

A lot to fit in between weekend plans...but I figure if I write about it maybe I'm more likely to get some of it done.

But am I starting on any of these things? Nope. I'm going shopping because I want a new nail polish color. 

PS: I'm seeing The Lorax tomorrow and I really want to make these cookies!

Source: soudersstudios.com via Kelsey on Pinterest

Remember when I moved up to Park City for Sundance and basically disappeared from my own life?

That's now.

And while I should be sleeping, I'm awake.

Why?

Because I'm thinking. In a good way. Not only have I seen some amazing films lately, but I took part in an interactive media event with hitRECord (Joseph Gordon-Levitt's production project) that has really rejuvenated me, creatively speaking.

JGL (aka the Hotness) talked a lot about story telling, and creating, and it was exactly what this burned out grad student needed. I really needed to be reminded why I'm trying to make films. To feel, and to think. And to help others feel and think. To not feel so alone. To be vulnerable. We creative people, we really are different from everyone else. There is something inside us that urges us to connect and express and not be scared even though it's scary.

I guess what I'm saying is that if I have to be kept up at night, inspiration is a pretty good cause.

Today I taught a college class for the first time. Not a presentation, not a mini lecture. A full class. My students. 70 of them.

I kicked ass.

And I'm not sorry for bragging. Because I put a lot of thought into what I was teaching, and I prepared. And it's that preparation that allowed me to throw some of it out the window and go off on a tangent that might have left me standing in front of 70 students staring at me with blank faces and metaphorical crickets chirping. But instead, we discussed. They raised their hands, they shouted things out. They were into it. And so was I.

Today I rose above. And it felt so good.

I used to hate this song, but now I love it. And it was perfect to listen to tonight. Too bad it's not the actual video from Glee.

I'm done! On Friday I sent in my last paper, returned my library book, and sold back my textbooks.

Today I graded the last final paper and dropped them off. And then I spent the rest of the day at work...my last day until 2012!

So I'm officially done. I (theoretically) have no responsibilities for the next 2 weeks. It's glorious.

To celebrate: Queen. Because this is how I've been feeling lately, and it feels so good to be free. This might be my new anthem.

The video is weird but it's Queen so...what do you expect?

Just saw this on Hue&Hum...I'd heard this from Ira Glass before, but it was just what I needed to be reminded of today.

I am still here. Sort of.

Yesterday I opened my fridge and found cereal there. I'm not sure how long it had been there without my noticing it.

I've also misplaced all my white socks. They are not in the hamper and not in the laundry and certainly not in the sock drawer. I wore black socks with my Chucks today. That happened.

In laziness/forgetfulness I drove my car with 1/8 of a tank of gas left. And then had to find a gas station open at 3:30am out of fear that I would run out of gas two blocks from home.

This sentence came out of my mouth yesterday: "If I'd known you were going to be here, I would have worn pants."

I've been watching a lot of 30 Rock while I grade/fall asleep doing work. There's this one episode where Jack is 'Reaganing' (a hilarious joke about doing everything right for 24 hours straight). If you watch the show you'll understand what I mean when I say that I've been 'Lemoning' this past week or so.

I'm shocked I have even been feeding myself. Although in all honesty, I'm not really sure what I've eaten besides half a pan of brownies I made at 11 the other night. And rootbeer floats from Hires (which will always be hi-res to me).

I haven't shaved my legs in ages. AGES.

I've been keeping a cold (sort of) at bay by pounding OJ and Emergen-C and eating a lot of clementines. I'm not sure how long I can count on citrus to take the place of my immune system. Which Jacob and I determined is like the Maginot Line.

Last week I decided to be irresponsible for a day and went to a movie in the afternoon. We talked into the wrong theater and spent ten minutes saying 'doesn't this feel like it's ending? No, maybe it's the beginning and we'll find out about this later....'

Suffice it to say, I am so ready for this semester to be over. Friday can't come soon enough.

Source: sombreboite.tumblr.com via Christy on Pinterest

I'm in a script writing class this semester. Scary, right?

It is to me.

We have to write at least 60 pages. And we have to do a reading at least 4 times this semester of no shorter than 10 pages. Basically, you print out copies of your script and then listen to other people butcher the lines. (I'm appalled at the reading-aloud skills of my fellow students.) It's exciting and sort of painful and sometimes really helpful.

The hardest part, obviously, is writing. So to force it out of me, I've come up with the following motivational exercises.
1. I drink a lot of water (I mean a lot) and then don't let myself go to the bathroom until I've written a certain number of pages.
2. I get really hungry and tell myself I can have something to eat when I've written x number of pages.
3. I turn off the internet on my laptop and give myself an internet break only when I've written a couple pages.
4. I take off my clothes and open the window until I'm pretty chilly and then add something every time I've written a page. (A shirt is usually the first thing back on.) It's like reverse strip poker. But for school.

These tactics may seem a little crazy, but you'd be surprised how fast you can write when you really have to pee.

Torture. It works.

I could not have asked for more from this week. For quite a while, I've been feeling really insecure about whether I belong in film school. After all, I didn't spend my teen years making movies with my friends, or locked up in my room writing scripts, or watching foreign film or even worshipping Spielberg (b/c I'm not Dawson).

And when you spend your time in class with people who did one if not two or three of the above-mentioned, it can be a little intimidating. Film programs aren't like other programs. Sure, I have to write papers. But more importantly, I have to create a significant body of work. Did you catch that? Create.

OK, so back to how I've been feeling lately...this semester I have to make a documentary and write a script. I know that's only two things, but trust me it's a lot. So when things went well on Monday in my doc class I was pretty psyched. But the biggest obstacle this week was that I had to do a script reading. On the first script I've ever written. Well, the first 15 pages of the first script I've ever written.

And you know what? It went great. I was pretty nervous, because I wasn't feeling super confident about what I'd written, but it was really positively received. Yay!

I know it probably sounds like I'm just being full of myself, but I don't really care. It's my blog and I'll brag if I want to.

Besides, I really needed this week.

For three whole minutes.

At least, that's what my professor said after watching my in-class shoot from last week. It was projected on the big screen, and when he asked who shot it twenty seconds in, I was a little nervous. An early response is either really good or really bad.

But at 40 seconds in, when I zoomed in from a medium shot to a close up and he said 'that's exactly it' I knew things were going my way.

"That was perfect."

Forgive me if I brag, but I OWNED that shoot. And since this particular professor is known for being, ummm, difficult...what he said carries a lot of weight for me.

Yeah, today was a good day.

I was just trying to make plans with a friend to take a class, and realized I basically have 4 hours of reliably free time a week. Between school and work and TAing and working out (boxing, yay!) I am stretched beyond thin (metaphorically only).

Plus, September is going to be a really busy month. Filled with fun things every weekend, but still, I'd like some time to catch my breath.

Today I'm heading back to the East Coast for my first cross country trip of the month: Philadelphia! Cousin Helen is getting married, so it's back home for me until Monday.

Here's hoping I can be zen and calm and the opposite of anxious on my flight!

Behold, the intersection of artistic expression and GETTING PAID:

That's right, it's the first film project I've ever been paid for. It's not amazing, but if you know the details of my work on it, then you'll understand that I'm just glad it's done.

I think I can officially call myself an amateur filmmaker now.

Remember that time I finished my first year of grad school?

That was this week.

This semester kicked my trash. Seriously. Between disappearing to Park City for Sundance, to silly personal drama, to work intensive classes involving group work (which I hate), this was a really tough semester for me, and I am soooo glad to be seeing the end of it.

It's very surreal to be 1/3 through my MFA. It feels like I just arrived in Utah yesterday, and I can't believe it's been 9 months.

In 10 days I'll be going home to PA for a week! I haven't seen my parents since I moved out here, it's the longest we've ever been apart. I'm a pretty big fan of them, so I can't wait to see them.

For now, I'm going to enjoy the sunny weather and the fact that I'm done!

It's only 9:02 and my day is already a disaster!

Woke up and my left eye is red and irritated.
Went to transfer footage for my documentary and discovered...it's gone!
Got disconnected from the internet, and I've been uploading my final project (for my final today) for hours...and now I have to start over.

I'm a little scared about what the rest of the day will be like.

1. a review session for the class I TA for
2. three hours of pick ups for Jeremy's shoot
3. History of Film final
4. finishing the fine cut of Jeremy's scene
5. grading 90 finals
6. grading 40ish papers
7. writing a couple reflections for my teaching in higher ed class

...could that be it? In seven short days my first year of grad school will be officially behind me!

1. I don't like Akira Kurosawa films
2. I've never seen Avatar
3. I'm not really sure what ADR stands for
4. When asked what the most successfully emotional movie was by a student last week, my answer was The Notebook. It was the first thing that came to mind that makes me cry every time.
5. I'm not a fan of The Seventh Seal
6. I've seen a ton of really 'bad' movies several times.*
7. Sometimes, I just put the camera on auto.






*An incomplete list of bad movies I've seen several times:
-Josie and the Pussycats
-Head Over Heels
-Boys and Girls
-Down to You
-Waterworld
-Volcano
-The Core

The bad news is: I have part 1 of an exam tonight. An exam I do not feel prepared for despite having read all the required reading and and watched the required films. It could be that I just don't like European Art films.

The good news is: my hair is awesome today.

These days, I'm learning to take happiness where I can get it.