Or, ya know, call it a comeback if you want.

Dear, sweet readers of this tiny blog,
I am done with graduate school. I have a masters now.

And I live in my own apartment, just me and the dog. I have this amazing job that challenges and inspires me, and an amazing man who does the same. (Plus he's pretty handsome.)

I am a lucky girl. Pinch me.

But you know me...I am never satisfied. It's one of the things I like most about myself.

So in the coming months, I'll be challenging myself in (hopefully) many different ways, and documenting it here. Because that's one challenge: write more on the blog so years from now when I'm boring I can look back and remember when.

And that's it. Challenging, no? If you have any ideas of what I should do, leave me a comment, I need all the inspiration I can get.

Love, Jo

This weekend was a rollercoaster. 

This whole month has been a rollercoaster. 

I have gone from extreme highs (lovely Melissa's wedding) to extreme lows (sobbing because I don't think my department is going to let me graduate) and I'm exhausted. 

I've been working all day on my documentary, and while I've made a lot of progress, my laptop keeps randomly shutting down. Seemingly for no reason. And so I've been on the edge of tears of frustration all day. Also, there was a spider. 

But then a bunch of wonderful somethings happened. 

First, my dad sent me a video of my parents' puppy playing with a squeaky toy. 

Second, I got an amazing email from a professor I really admire, that went a little something like this...
Joanna: I remember I liked your essay on Coppola's Virgin Suicides, but this one which looked at all of her films was masterful. Elegant prose, wonderful insights, perfect organization. The argument was totally convincing, the details from each film exemplified the points being made--it's good enough to be considered for publication. If it were possible I'd give it a Pass with Distinction. My congratulations on a job well done!

I can't even tell you how much I needed to hear that. Given how much BS I've been dealing with from the rest of my department, this email was a beacon of hope to me. Reassurance that I'm doing well, and that someone cares that I'm working my tail off. 

Third, I clicked on a friend's link on Facebook to a blog post by a friend of hers who had just lost a baby at 34 weeks. And it changed my night. 

I'm grateful because Beth (my coworker) gave birth to a health baby girl last week and didn't have to endure the pain of losing her. I'm grateful because this woman who I don't even know shared the story of her faith in the midst of this crisis. You could say I've experienced a crisis of faith lately (and by lately, I mean over the past year) and reading her words was humbling to say the least. 

Fourth, Despicable Me is on. 

So there's my grateful list for today. 

The other thing? I just have to make it through 6 more days and I leave for London. I'm a lucky girl. 

Last year I took a course on teaching in higher education. While it wasn't by choice, and I didn't enjoy a lot of it...there were a few lessons I took away from it that have really stuck with me.

So now, as I'm grading papers for my own college course those lessons keep coming back to me. And I wonder how well I'm doing. I've never struggled with speaking in front of crowds, or having to wing it when I don't know what to say. I actually thrive in those situations, so while I am loving teaching, and feel like I have a good rhythm and rapport with my students, sometimes I worry that I'm not teaching them as much as I want to be.

I worry that they'll take future film courses and not feel prepared. I worry that if I give them a bad grade they'll give me a bad evaluation at the end of the semester. I worry that I'm too easy on them, and I worry that I'm too hard on them.

In short (or rather long, at this point) I worry.

Teaching feels a lot like what parenting must be like. You do your best, you do what seems right at the time, and hope it works out, even though you won't know for a while.

School starts again tomorrow. I have a feeling my schedule this semester (between work and school and TAing) is going to kick my trash.

Even though summer doesn't officially end yet, it feels like it's already gone. And there is a lot I'm going to miss about it:

I keep telling myself I just have to make it to Monday. If I can make it to Monday and get everything done, I'm in the clear.

But the truth is, that's just a lie I'm telling myself. Yes, by Monday I will be moved into a new apartment, and the documentary I've been working on will be done. However...school is starting up at the end of August, and being in a new apartment means a huge change in my life. A change that is terrifying and exciting and wonderful and awful all at the same time.

I think this is how we get through life, by lying to ourselves. It's amazing what we can convince ourselves of, and how many times we fall for the same lie. At times like these, I think about something my dad told me once. I asked him if life ever got easier, and he said "No, you just stop expecting it to be."

So wish me luck, blog readers. That I will finish cutting the doc (and that it won't suck) and that somehow I will miraculously pull of a move in two(ish) days. It's times like these I wish I had better coping mechanisms.

Today was not technically the last day of the semester. Tomorrow is the last day, then finals start on Monday.

But...

Today was my last day of real class. It was the last day I had to get to school at 9:30 for class, then waste 3 hours until the class I TA starts. The last time I had to drag a big camera and tripod to my TA class. Tuesday was the last of my 13 hour days, which I've been suffering through all semester.

All that stands between me and semester break is a final, a couple meetings, and about 50 finals to grade.


Today felt so good. I really like when things begin, but sometimes I equally like when they end. This is one of those times.