the amateur

teeth. Warning: I'm about to talk AT LENGTH about my wisdom teeth. Since I missed a whole week of blogging because of them, it seemed fitting to write an update.

Let me take you back a few years ago, to when I was living in New York and my dentist said he wanted to take my wisdom teeth out in the next six months. I was fine with this. I had great dental insurance, and I had friends who could take care of me after surgery, and my mom was only two hours away in case I needed her. So, the time came for my next cleaning and I went in prepared to schedule oral surgery, since all four of my teeth were impacted. But this time, my dentist says that since my teeth haven't moved I should just wait it out. He said I could be 90 years old before they caused any problems, and as long as I wasn't having any pain, I was OK.

Fast forward to last week, and me spending four days doing little more than lying in bed with tears streaming down my cheeks because I'm was in so much pain. I could feel my teeth throbbing in my toes.

Yeah, that happened. Luckily, my parents live two hours earlier than I do, and on top of that they wake up insanely early, so calling them at 4am to cry was an option.

"Get thee to a dentist!" my father said.

Just kidding. He didn't say that. He said that tooth pain is legitimate and the doctor wouldn't laugh at me if I said I had a toothache. The doctor suggested the maximum dosage of Advil and lots of icing and rinsing with salt water. Doesn't that sound yummy?

Let's take a road trip for a moment...back in my senior year of high school I got really sick. With whooping cough. Because I am clearly living in the 1800s when people got whooping cough. It's actually pretty common, look it up.

Anyway, I was really sick. Like....couldn't sleep or breathe or eat or anything. Once when we were reminiscing about it my mother actually said the words "I thought we might lose you." So yeah. Sick. Not near death, but it's good to know my mom loves me. I had to use two different inhalers and take the most foul tasting cough syrup I've ever tasted. But after the first couple times I took that stuff, I looked forward to it. Because I knew that it would make me feel better and stop coughing so I could breathe and/or pass out.

That's what the salt water rinses became. As gross as they are, they are such a relief.

So I'm icing and rinsing with yummy warm salt water and taking Advil like it's my job. And it's not working. I give in and call the doctor again and she called in a prescription for Lortab, which I'd never taken. And hope to never take again. Yes, it stopped the pain, but it also left me so groggy and dizzy that I wasn't sure if it was worth it. Who am I kidding? It was worth it. The point is, I didn't feel right again until about 8 hours after I took the thing. I went to dinner with a friend and took exactly three bites of mashed potatoes before realizing that eating was a thing of the past on Lortab.

Well, after a mess of appointments with dentists and oral surgeons, I'm finally scheduled to have all four wisdom teeth extracted, as well as work done on the teeth adjacent that were damaged by them. Should be a reallllly fun time.

The good news? Harvey is flying out to take care of me for the weekend. I pretty much have the best parents ever. Don't even try to measure yours up to mine. They will always win. Know why? They're short, and therefore cuter than your parents. So on top of being awesome and wise and giving and loving and kind and hilarious and all those things, they are ADORABLE.