I had this tenth grade history teacher who taught us about harmonic convergence. Technically, it's some new age astrology thing about planets aligning or something. But the way he used it is the way I always have...that harmonic convergence occurs when the universe throws several of the same things at you at once. A little more than coincidence and a little less than fate or something.

I wish I could think of a good example...but I just can't. Maybe something like 'when it rains it pours.'

Anyway...my harmonic convergence of the week is that no matter when I'm in the car lately, "Single Ladies" comes on. I've heard it maybe 10 times in the past week or so. It's ridiculous. And it gets in my head.

But I have to admit, the universe has me pegged right now.

I mentioned A Fine Frenzy. And my friend Melissa. I was listening to the album quite a bit, and mentioned that "Happier" is one of my favorite songs.

I made a joke that it would help me get over a non-breakup with someone I'm not dating (what? I'm complicated...) and she said: "Oh, I was thinking ***** (guy I was sort of dating but shouldn't be)....'you go on and i'll go on and i'll be happier'"

The song is about a breakup, and the singer is unhappy about it, but Mel was seeing it as a good thing to be moving on...'you'll be gone and I'll be happier'

Why is it so hard to let go of things, even when we know they aren't good for us? For me, I think part of it is the idea of getting rid of a sure thing to take a risk that might not pan out. I'm not so good at risks, you see. I often feel there is this inevitability that things will turn out badly, and to protect myself I do the easy thing, or the stupid thing, or the numbing thing, instead of facing the uncertainty.

In a way, it is just as scary when things turn out the way you want them to.

But, I am letting go of the things that aren't good for me. Scratch that, I have let go of them.

Have you ever had one of those nights that is almost perfect, but because there is one little thing missing or wrong it feels like the whole thing doesn't mean anything and you can't focus on the good because that one little piece isn't there?

No? I'm not making any sense because it's quarter to 1 in the morning?

OK. I'll go to bed. I just hope this is worth it.




*Obviously that poem is "Almost Perfect But Not Quite" from Where the Sidewalk Ends

While on the phone with my mom this past week she asked what I was eating. Not at the moment (since I don't eat on the phone) but in general. This is sort of a general concern of hers, as I imagine it is for all mothers who are thousands of miles from their children and haven't laid eyes on them in six months.

I realized I didn't know. I can tell you that I eat cereal for breakfast, but other than that, I have no idea what I eat during the week to survive. I'm pretty sure it's a lot of turkey sandwiches (I kind of have a thing for turkey sandwiches), but I couldn't really confirm that or even tell you where they come from.

So in response to that scary fact, I decided to go grocery shopping after grading some papers, in an attempt to buy real food that I would cook and eat so I don't die of scurvy. Which would suck.

But do you know what I ended up with? Nothing super helpful. Witness, below, the pathetic shopping of a single, mid-20s grad student:
-string cheese
-cinnamon rolls (in a can. I've never bought these, but they sounded appetizing.)
-milk
-cereal
-ramen
-one bag of spring mix lettuce (now sitting in the lettuce graveyard in the fridge, where other bags of lettuce go to die)
-ice cream
-cat food

Seriously, going to die of scurvy.