the amateur

music monday - Black Keys (again)

2012-01-16T12:05:00.000-07:00

I have watched this video a lot of times. A lot.

PS: how is it possible that The Black Keys rocks so hard? And why are they coming to Salt Lake when I'm going to be in Europe (probably)?

how I can tell when I'm PMSing

2012-01-13T16:56:00.004-07:00

I would apologize about the girly nature of this post, but once again, it's my blog. And the majority of my consistent readers are ladies (but alas, not commenters, haha) and thus have lady parts and understand what I'm talking about.

So, without further ado, how I can tell when I'm PMSing:
- I listen to "Bridge Over Troubled Water" over and over again, because Simon & Garfunkel really get me.
- I usually cry when listening to it.
- I go through a lot of Hershey's syrup.
- I listen to Taylor Swift a lot, because she really gets me.
- Every five seconds something else sounds good to eat. This also happens when I'm really hungry though.
- My room feels SO CROWDED and I debate throwing everything away to live as a minimalist.
- I have a sudden urge to read through old journals/blog posts.
- I start hating all my clothes and feeling fat and the only remedy seems to be a face mask because it's the only action I can take in the moment.
- Lauri and I talk on the phone about eating entire pans of brownies. We don't actually do this, but we threaten.
- I suppress the urge to call my parents because I know I will only end up crying when I realize how much they love me.
- I spend days denying myself a Carl's Jr. Oreo shake because I know once I have one...all willpower will disappear.
- I bite my nails. Weird, right? I only noticed that I do this recently. The rest of the month I'm fine but PMS hits and suddenly I can't keep my hands out of my mouth.
- My lips get chapped - what is that about?

All right, I have to go throw out everything I own and make a black and white shake. Sometimes I'm so cliched.

PS - Since I'm talking about girly stuff...sometimes my roommate and I like to gross each other out by talking about lady medical things in really specific terms. Like instead of a period we say 'my uterus is shedding its lining (in homage to a college roommate of mine) and we say words like 'mucous plug' and 'placenta' and 'cervical dilation' until we're laughing hysterically/about to vomit. Love that girl.

omg edit: right after I posted this the next song on my itunes shuffle came on and it was a recording I made of my childhood music box that I now use as the ringtone for my parents...yup, crying.

conversations with Jordan, part 2

2012-01-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

No class with Jordan this semester, miss him like woah (but I'd never admit that to him).

Here are some more awkward classics...

after taking a sip of generic brand Cola: "This tastes like two gummy bears had sex."

Jordan: You smell so good. You smell delicious.
me: You're creepy.
Jordan: Why is that creepy? I want to cut you up and eat you.
Jeremy: It's a little creepy.

...and then later I pointed at him and he leaned forward and tried to bite my finger.

later...
me (in response to some creeper comment he made): You're a creeper.
Jordan: Why am I a creeper? Is this about me eating you?

music monday - I am awesome edition.

2012-01-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

Today I taught a college class for the first time. Not a presentation, not a mini lecture. A full class. My students. 70 of them.

I kicked ass.

And I'm not sorry for bragging. Because I put a lot of thought into what I was teaching, and I prepared. And it's that preparation that allowed me to throw some of it out the window and go off on a tangent that might have left me standing in front of 70 students staring at me with blank faces and metaphorical crickets chirping. But instead, we discussed. They raised their hands, they shouted things out. They were into it. And so was I.

Today I rose above. And it felt so good.

I used to hate this song, but now I love it. And it was perfect to listen to tonight. Too bad it's not the actual video from Glee.

Life's simple pleasures

2012-01-07T18:33:00.000-07:00

Even though I've been on 'break' from school since mid December, the past few weeks have been busy busy busy. And life is about to get even crazier. I have to move up to Park City a week earlier than anticipated, and with school starting on Monday I don't even know which way is up right now.

So I thought I'd take a minute to breathe and remember the small things that make me happy.

1. clean sheets
2. a new toothbrush
3. towels warm from the dryer
4. warm chocolate chip cookies and cold milk
5. the cool side of the pillow
6. first kisses (usually, unless they're terrible)
7. snuggling with a puppy (or a kitten)
8. hot cocoa with marshmallows
9. laughing until your stomach hurts
10. good hair days

Take back, part 3

2012-01-06T14:58:00.001-07:00

I wrote this a while ago, but I've been doing a lot of thinking on it, and I felt like New Years was a good time to acknowledge it.

11.12.11

Today I found myself googling ‘how to get your life back’.Which begs the question…get my life back from what? Or from who?

-expectations (my own and others)

-people who don’t let me be me

-anxiety

-ideas that I don’t really believe

-fear

-GUILT

-uncertainty about the future

The point is, if I don’t stand up for my own life, who will?I have to take a stand and do what’s right for me. I want to be myself again. Iwant my life back.

I don’t want to make a mistake out of desperation or fear.That’s not the way to live. I was sitting in class the other day thinking aboutmy professor, who is almost 50. I realized his son is 5 or 6. Which means thathe was in his mid 40s when he was born. And it hit me: I have my whole lifeahead of me. I am only 27. Who knows what my story is? Who knows what happensin my life? It hasn’t happened yet. And I don’t want to act rashly now becauseI’m afraid of that. I’ve seen to many people do that with bad results. I've seen too many people rush into a decision a regret it later, and I don't want to be one of them.

Next up: my personal commandments and how I'm going to take back my life

Sorry for the self-help tone this blog has taken of late, but it's my blog.

Hello, 2012

2012-01-01T15:44:00.004-07:00

I rang in the New Year coughing and sneezing and aching. Oops. Guess all that travel and school stress caught up with me. The trip home was worth it.

Today I've been laying low and watching Netflix. But really all I want in the world is You've Got Mail. I'm pretty sure Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan would cure me.

Right? Right.

Things about dating, part 1

2011-12-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when I'm on a first date, I feel this weird need to justify why I might be single. Like my date is judging me for not being in a relationship. And then I realize he's single, too.

Sometimes I just want to be in a relationship so that someone else will go get the Cafe Rio when it's raining.

Amount of time I spend picking out a necklace to wear on a first date: 10 minutes
Amount of time date spends looking at necklace: maybe 1 second

Sometimes when you're making out with a guy something might happen and you think 'ow' and then move on. But if it actually causes you say 'ow' out loud...it will probably leave a bruise.

When it rains, it usually pours.

The non-committal guy will usually feel a lot more committal when he realizes you're going out on dates with other guys.

Sometimes on a date you have to sneak to the bathroom and call your friend to get you out of it. I love being the friend that gets the call. I am a master of fake break up phone calls/texts. My latest fake boyfriend's name is Trevor, truly an occurrence of life imitating art, as he's a character in my screenplay.

Sometimes you have to carry a camera so you have an excuse not to hold hands. A dog also works for this.

Yes, I'm offering you some of my milkshake, but I don't really want you to have any. I'm complicated. (PS I'm talking about a literal milkshake, not some sort of metaphor for tail.)

With the right guy, snuggling in front of a movie is the best date ever. With the wrong guy, you will be counting down the minutes until the credits start to roll.

Good dancer usually equals good kisser. I don't know why that is. Something about rhythm.

Sometimes 'when are you coming back?' is the closest you'll get to 'I miss you'

The 'right' guy isn't always the right guy. Sure, he may be perfect on paper, and he may be perfect in real life. But if there's no spark, you can't force it.

The guy who texts you every time he knows you're on a date with someone else? Probably a little bit into you.

Non-reviews of movies I saw this year

2011-12-28T21:33:00.001-07:00

To be honest, I've never written a film review. I've written thousands (hundreds of thousands, even?) of words about movies, but I've never just written a review. And I don't know that I want to start now.

But I have been watching some really great films late at night, and I thought I would at least share them. So, an abbreviated list of movies I saw this year (on Netflix, in theaters, rented, or in class) and what I sort of thought about them. Most of these reviews are not helpful, unless you and I have the same taste.

The scary thing? There are approximately 91 movies on this list (I got tired counting). It doesn't account for every movie I saw that I'd never seen (it's hard to remember every movie you watched), nor does it take into account movies I watched that I'd already seen (which is kind of a lot). Or multiple viewings (for example, I've somehow seen Source Code three times). Basically, I think I watch maybe 3 movies a week. There was a time (before film school) when I read that many books a week. I kind of miss those days.

Movies I Watched and LOVED:
A Very Long Engagement - amazing. amazing. amazing.
I Capture the Castle - very sweet story
Limitless - I want those pills.
Dirty Harry - Just as awesome as I was told it was.
Like Water for Chocolate - My parents rented this when it came out and I didn't see it (b/c it's not appropriate for kids) and I'm so glad I finally watched it. Beautiful.
Buck - One of my favorite docs
The Iron Giant - So sweet. Perfect kids movie.
Mansfield Park
Kick Ass - very....interesting. Loved it though. Super violent.
Secretariat - who doesn't love an underdog? Even though I was never into horses I really loved it.
Timer - one of the most interesting concepts I've seen in a film and they pulled it off.
Hugo - Lovely! Enchanting! Charming! (Do I look like a movie poster yet?)
Winter's Bone - rough to watch but really good
To Live - Chinese film that we watched for class. Absolutely beautiful.
O Brother, Where Art Though?
A River Runs Through It
True Grit - I cannot say enough good things about this movie.
Friends with Benefits - Laughed so hard throughout most of this.
The Hangover - Hilarious. Even though people had built it up a lot.
Flypaper - saw this at Sundance...loved it
X-Men: First Class - Funny nods to 60s Bond films and a lot of hotness in one film.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Crazy Stupid Love
The Descendants - if you cheat on George Clooney you will die a slow, ugly death.

Movies I watched and LIKED:
Wristcutters: A Love Story - interesting. held my attention. I don't like that chick though.
GI Joe: Rise of Cobra
Alice in Wonderland (Tim Burton version) - liked it more than I thought I would
Hot Tub Time Machine - hilarious. Super vulgar. Watch only if you are OK with John Cusack no longer being the nice guy in your mind.
A Knight's Tale - I sort of missed parts of this as I was busy...but it was funny. See above re: that chick
Abduction - I was pretty much there for Taylor Lautner's abs, and they delivered.
The Hurt Locker - sort of built up but I enjoyed it.
The Social Network - took me two viewings to see the whole thing but that isn't a comment on the quality
Source Code - Jake Gyllenhaal being wonderful and brave. Enough said.
The Adjustment Bureau - Matt Damon and Emily Blunt? In New York? With John Slattery and fantastic suits and hats? Sign me up.
I Am Number Four
50/50
Water for Elephants - Gorgeous to look at.
The Help - the book is better
Something Borrowed - the book is worse
Life in a Day

Movies I feel kind of 'meh' about:
Brief Interviews with Hideous Men - this was a little too loose narratively
New York, I Love You - I like Paris, Je T'aime better
Cherry - an old friend's little brother is in this so I watched it
The Romantics - Katie Holmes, Adam Brody, Elijah Wood, Anna Paquin, Josh Duhamel, Candice Bergen...I'm not sure what went wrong
Muriel's Wedding - a lot of people love this movie, I guess I didn't get it
Once More with Feeling - to be honest I don't really remember what this was about
Breaking Upwards - this movie screams INDEPENDENT!! and also BROOKLYN!! I don't like to be screamed at.
Titan A.E. - Netflix recommended it, and it entertained me during my insomnia
Killers - I'll usually watch a Katherine Heigl rom-com and this was fine.
Hanna
Just Go with It
Beastly - This kind of thing is right up my alley, I expected to enjoy it more.
Contagion - Kind of disappointing. Also - if you cheat on Matt Damon you will die a horrible, ugly death.
The Ides of March

Movies I finished that I wish I hadn't:
Dare
Nearing Grace
My Girlfriend's Boyfriend - Christopher Gorham what did they do to you?!
The Dilemma
Dolphin Tale - it was the first movie in a double feature drive in.

Movies I Started but Didn't Finish (and don't want to):
The Good Guy
Happiness Runs
The Last Song
A Wrinkle in Time
Last Tango in Paris
Take Me Home Tonight
Time Bandits - a bunch of people in my department love this one...I couldn't make it through 15 minutes

Movies I Started but Didn't Finish (and do want to):
Eat Pray Love
The Basketball Diaries
Hannah and her Sisters
Before Sunrise
The Piano

Movies I had to watch for school that I wouldn't have watched otherwise:
Somewhere
Early Summer
Swept Away
Orlando - Tilda Swinton gives me nightmares
Christopher Strong - LOVE! Katherine Hepburn is amazing.
Working Girls (left after 20 minutes)
Dirty Pretty Things
21 Grams
8 1/2
The Searchers - John Wayne...so amazing.
The Kids are All Right
Floating Weeds

A few notes on TV:
Episodes of 30 Rock I watched - all of them
Breaking Bad - wonderful but super stressful
Parks and Rec - continues to bring it

Clearly, this is not possibly a list of every movie I saw this year, but it's late and I'm sleep deprived. And you probably didn't make it through the whole list anyway.

music monday - end of semester edition

2011-12-19T18:50:00.002-07:00

I'm done! On Friday I sent in my last paper, returned my library book, and sold back my textbooks.

Today I graded the last final paper and dropped them off. And then I spent the rest of the day at work...my last day until 2012!

So I'm officially done. I (theoretically) have no responsibilities for the next 2 weeks. It's glorious.

To celebrate: Queen. Because this is how I've been feeling lately, and it feels so good to be free. This might be my new anthem.

The video is weird but it's Queen so...what do you expect?

Countdown

2011-12-15T18:01:00.000-07:00

(Because this list is pretty much keeping me going this week)

-6 days until I'm home

-7 days until lunch with Rachel A, Suzie Q and Maureen

-7 days until Angela

-9 and 10 days until Christmas and I get to see the look on my mom's face when she opens her present

-11 days until Rachel M (who is still Rachel G to me)

-12 days until Lauri/Mo/NYC

-14 days until Rachel A/Jo time

What else should I do when I'm home? Trader Joe's is obvious. And Panera. And REAL BAGELS. Oooh and H&M, which is at my local mall and not half an hour away like in Utah.

Is it next week yet?

Jumping Ship

2011-12-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

Source: favim.com via Audra on Pinterest

Sometimes I get an idea in my head and it ends up in an email or on my phone in a list of things to write/think about. Often it ends up on a sticky on my laptop.

For the past few months there has been a note that says 'jumping ship'.

Whenever I'm asked in an interview what my greatest weakness is, I tell the interviewer (who surely doesn't actually care) that I tend to bail out a sinking ship for too long. You see, in the world of the Titanic, I would have been the captain who chose to honorably go down with his ship, despite the fact that it was DEFINITELY sinking. (In real life, I probably would have drowned in steerage because I'm Irish and most of them were stuck there. Not the point.)

So usually, even when I can tell something is failing I will dutifully bail out the ship until I sink with it. One of the things I've learned to do lately is to jump. Maybe I needed to let that prompt sit on my laptop for months, because this morning as I was getting ready to blow dry my hair it sort of hit me that I've gotten better at this.

If something isn't working, just jump. It's not giving up, it's making a decision based on what's best for me, based on what is rational and realistic.

Sure, I may freeze in the metaphorical icy waters of life. I may still drown. But at least I'll know I did everything I could to try to save myself.

There will be another ship. And I know how to swim.

You can unofficially think of this as Takeback Part 2.

Ira Glass on creativity

2011-12-13T20:31:00.001-07:00

Just saw this on Hue&Hum...I'd heard this from Ira Glass before, but it was just what I needed to be reminded of today.

Finals fever.

2011-12-12T20:01:00.001-07:00

I am still here. Sort of.

Yesterday I opened my fridge and found cereal there. I'm not sure how long it had been there without my noticing it.

I've also misplaced all my white socks. They are not in the hamper and not in the laundry and certainly not in the sock drawer. I wore black socks with my Chucks today. That happened.

In laziness/forgetfulness I drove my car with 1/8 of a tank of gas left. And then had to find a gas station open at 3:30am out of fear that I would run out of gas two blocks from home.

This sentence came out of my mouth yesterday: "If I'd known you were going to be here, I would have worn pants."

I've been watching a lot of 30 Rock while I grade/fall asleep doing work. There's this one episode where Jack is 'Reaganing' (a hilarious joke about doing everything right for 24 hours straight). If you watch the show you'll understand what I mean when I say that I've been 'Lemoning' this past week or so.

I'm shocked I have even been feeding myself. Although in all honesty, I'm not really sure what I've eaten besides half a pan of brownies I made at 11 the other night. And rootbeer floats from Hires (which will always be hi-res to me).

I haven't shaved my legs in ages. AGES.

I've been keeping a cold (sort of) at bay by pounding OJ and Emergen-C and eating a lot of clementines. I'm not sure how long I can count on citrus to take the place of my immune system. Which Jacob and I determined is like the Maginot Line.

Last week I decided to be irresponsible for a day and went to a movie in the afternoon. We talked into the wrong theater and spent ten minutes saying 'doesn't this feel like it's ending? No, maybe it's the beginning and we'll find out about this later....'

Suffice it to say, I am so ready for this semester to be over. Friday can't come soon enough.

early Saturday morning graphics break

2011-12-03T08:59:00.001-07:00

Much like Taylor Swift, Joni Mitchell always knows how I feel.

Is it the end of the semester yet?

things I am thankful for

2011-11-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

Every year at Thanksgiving we think of the things we're grateful for. And usually it's the big things...our families, our freedom, etc. And I'm thankful for those big things, I really am. But sometimes it's nice to look at the little, unexpected things that make life bearable.

So this year my list is not the obvious things. It's the unobvious things.

1. my roommate Laura, who always has great advice and is just lovely in general.
2-4. 30 Rock
5.Village Inn, because it's open 24 hours and I usually want pie after my Wednesday night class.
6. Solid food. After a week of pudding and smoothies, solid food is still rocking my world.
7. Salt Lake Library
8. Scented candles
9. my ugly, super warm and comfy boots
10. Netflix, because it brings me (among other things) 30 Rock
11. new music
12. unexpectedly hilarious afternoons with C just when I need them
13. text messages from friends that are exactly what I need to hear
14. flannel pajamas
15. new friends
16. when people play with my hair
17. Cafe Rio
18. my car, Babe. Maybe I'm a little obsessed, but she makes me so happy.

OK, couldn't resist:
19. my dad, who flew across the country to take care of me after I had my wisdom teeth out. He iced my face while I slept and fixed everything that was broken in my apartment. He helped me take out trash, clean my room, and organize my closet. Plus all that other stuff the last 27 years.

20. my mom, who listens to me say the same things over and over again and never complains. And who always thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful and the best kid ever.

Happy Thanksgiving!

conversations with Jordan, part I

2011-11-22T11:00:00.000-07:00

The other day in class Jordan came in late (as usual) so it was dark. Because it's a film class. So after the film the lights come on and the following comes out of Jordan's mouth:

"You dyed your hair. I like it, you don't look as washed out."

me: "Um, thanks?"

"I mean you look pretty, I just said it like an a**hole. If we were on a desert island I would totally try to dominate you with violence until you submitted and called me the original man."

(that part sounds weird but we'd just watched Swept Away, so it actually made a weird sort of sense)

And then we made jokes about punching our significant others in the face. Which was darkly funny at the time but now sort of sad because I have a bruise on my lip that makes it look like I got punched in the mouth.

Life is funny, no?

music monday - Best Coast

2011-11-21T16:42:00.001-07:00

I only recently discovered Best Coast but I'm really digging them (her? I'm not sure). I think this is my favorite song of the album, and the video is hilarious.

Take back, part I

2011-11-18T15:04:00.001-07:00

As part of an effort to take back my life, I decided to start with taking back Ensign Peak.

It's one of my favorite places in Utah, and there are few things I enjoy more than going up on a Sunday afternoon, or any afternoon, really, and sitting for a while on a rock overlooking the valley. It's peaceful, and it reminds me how very big the world is, and how very small I am.

But the last time I went up, I got some bad news. Have you ever gotten bad news while standing on a cliff? No? Count yourself lucky.

This past Sunday I layered up (forgot the earmuffs though, for the wind) and started the trek up a very muddy trail.

There were times when I told myself it was stupid to be wading through mud, uphill. But I kept going. And sometimes I stopped, to take pictures. (All taken with my phone, b/c I left my camera in the car.)

Mostly, though, I just looked at the scenery and kept trudging. I was determined to reclaim this peak for me. To make new memories and erase the old ones. To take back my place.

My shoes are still caked in dirt. And my ears were cold for half an hour after I left. But friends, it was totally worth it.

how to get yourself over writer's block

2011-11-15T20:49:00.001-07:00

Source: sombreboite.tumblr.com via Christy on Pinterest

I'm in a script writing class this semester. Scary, right?

It is to me.

We have to write at least 60 pages. And we have to do a reading at least 4 times this semester of no shorter than 10 pages. Basically, you print out copies of your script and then listen to other people butcher the lines. (I'm appalled at the reading-aloud skills of my fellow students.) It's exciting and sort of painful and sometimes really helpful.

The hardest part, obviously, is writing. So to force it out of me, I've come up with the following motivational exercises.
1. I drink a lot of water (I mean a lot) and then don't let myself go to the bathroom until I've written a certain number of pages.
2. I get really hungry and tell myself I can have something to eat when I've written x number of pages.
3. I turn off the internet on my laptop and give myself an internet break only when I've written a couple pages.
4. I take off my clothes and open the window until I'm pretty chilly and then add something every time I've written a page. (A shirt is usually the first thing back on.) It's like reverse strip poker. But for school.

These tactics may seem a little crazy, but you'd be surprised how fast you can write when you really have to pee.

Torture. It works.

music monday - Florence + The Machine

2011-11-14T19:25:00.001-07:00

Can't get enough of this song.

parental love

2011-11-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

It is, in my opinion, the most important love we will ever know.

It is the love the brings a dad 2000 miles just to take care of his daughter after oral surgery. It is the love that makes him into a Papa Bear who wants to break the legs of anyone who ever hurt me. It is when I can hear in my parents' voices the pain they feel when I am hurting. When they tell me they just want me home for a while, because they believe that being home, with them, will help fix what's wrong. It is because they're right about that.

It is a cool hand on my forehead when I feel sick, and a freshly made bed when I come home. It is sitting in my room when they talk on the phone to me, and signing texts 'Love, Us'. It is pictures of the wildlife in the yard. It is coming to get me from college when I'm too sick to take the train.

It is always wanting what is best for me, and reminding me that I should want that, too. It is being in my corner when I need them. Always betting on me, even when the odds aren't in my favor.
It is unconditional, unbreakable, and cannot be stretched too thin. It is undeserved, which makes it even better. It is my end all, be all, keeps me going, what more could I ask for love.

I am so hungry.

2011-11-09T22:51:00.001-07:00

Remember when I had my wisdom teeth removed last week? Well, I did.

It's been five days of liquids and soft foods, and I am DYING. I'm so hungry. It's really hard to feel full when you aren't chewing or eating solid food. I've been trying hard to eat well and make sure I'm getting the vitamins, etc that I need, but blending spinach into smoothies is getting kind of old. I'm sick of pudding, and ice cream, and mashed potatoes.

So, I'm making a list of all the things I would eat right now if I could:
- Cafe Rio pork quesadilla
- matzoh with butter (Alaina used to eat this in college)
- pizza
- pretzels with cream cheese
- waffles
- bacon cheeseburger on a toasted bun
- toast
- chocolate chip cookies
- cereal. many many bowls of crunchy, delicious cereal
- grilled cheese with tomato soup
- beef jerky. just because it's chewy.

Stitches are coming out in two days. I'm hoping I'll get the go-ahead to actually use my teeth at that point. Chewing is such a luxury. Can't wait!

music monday - Matthew Mayfield

2011-11-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

I would like to marry Matthew Mayfield's voice. There is something about a deep, gravelly voice that really does it for me. When he sings 'no...you're not home' I just about swoon and have to fan myself.

"I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair."

2011-11-03T10:22:00.000-06:00

Lately, I can't get caramel out of my head.

Source: flickr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Not to eat.

OK, yes, who am I kidding...to eat.

But also...to wear.

Source: google.ca via Joanna on Pinterest

I think of caramel as that elusive territory between blonde and brown (which I REFUSE to call 'bronde'). Right now I have cool blonde hair...

Source: Uploaded by user via Chryssa on Pinterest

See? Mine is like the girl on the left. And I'd like to go warmer, like the girl on the right. Also, I want their bone structure. Are they twins or do all models look alike?

I need a change, you see. I could do something like this:

Source: google.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Just some low-lights and general warming. But I really feel like I need a change.

Source: rainydaysandblankets.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Too orange? I'm sort of in love with it but I don't know if I could pull it off.

Help! I know if I hate it I can always dye it back after a few weeks...but I'm so indecisive! Am I just being crazy? People spend time + money to have hair my color...am I weird to want to change it?

Halloween weekend!

2011-11-02T09:29:00.000-06:00

I love Halloween. Love love love it. Costumes, candy, dancing, pumpkings, creepy movies...I love the whole thing. And I feel like this year I really managed to celebrate the whole month/week leading up to it.
Since I'm experiencing a minor case of post-Halloween depression today (sort of like finishing a book depression but amplified by sugar withdrawal) I thought I'd document all the fun I had so I can look back in a couple weeks and remember how great it was when the details start to leave me.

Halloween movies I watched:
The Canterville Ghost (I know I used to watch this when I was little but I couldn't find the version we had on Netflix, so I watched the one with Neve Campbell)
The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (with the ward after going through a corn maze)
The Craft (with Nicolas...even though he didn't think it counted as scary)
It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (Sunday evening during some downtime)
Casper (once up at Heather's cabin and a second time solo as my last Halloween activity)

Halloween calories I consumed:
lots of candy
jack o lantern cookie
Hot Chocolate
Apple crisp with caramel sauce
candy corn (deserves its own listing)

Halloween activities I participated in:
walk/drive to the 'haunted' short bus up at the cabin
corn maze
costume parties (Tinkerbell one night, fullfilling a longtime dream....and a flapper the second night)

I'm trying to remind myself that my birthday and Halloween only signal the beginning of the holiday season and that I have so much to look forward to. (Mostly food.)

Adios, October.

music monday - Silly Symphony

2011-10-31T10:09:00.000-06:00

Happy Halloween!

you are what you love

2011-10-28T23:52:00.000-06:00

Source: littlebrownpen.blogspot.com via Maggie on Pinterest

There is an amazing song by Jenny Lewis off her album with the Watson Twins called "You Are What You Love".

The chorus is what really gets me: You are what you love and not what loves you back

For some reason it makes me think of the phrase girl are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. If I'm made up of the things I love, I'm in pretty good shape.

That means that where my brain would be is my mother's, and even though I often complain about looking too much like my dad, I am lucky to have him looking at me in the mirror every day.

My hands are Aylin's because she encouraged me to be crazy and now I gesticulate wildly when I speak.

My feet are Kristy's because she'll always dance with me.

My legs are Mel's because she holds me up when I can't stand on my own.

Lauri resides in my stomach where she tries to feed me southern cooking but gives up and makes me pasta instead.

Sarah takes her place in my lungs where the breath for all our long talks begins.

Every time I laugh it is Rachel's laugh, and when I brush my hair it is Alaina's hair, memorized after hours spent talking while she straightened it.

My arms have many tenants: the people who indulge me in a really good hug (a strange obsession

of mine).

Maybe I love people or things in the wrong way. Maybe I am too involved in the lives of others and in seeking perfection and hoping for something better. Maybe I expect too much of people, but it's only because I know what they're capable of. If the way I love is wrong, I don't want to be right.

I just have to say, whoever takes up residency in my heart has a lot to live up to.

imitation of life

2011-10-25T10:18:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, I get so caught up in the logistics and the stress of trying to be a 'filmmaker' that I forget about all the fun stuff. When that happens I watch movies or shorts that I love, or I go see something new in the hope that I'll have that moment when I nerd out about a great shot or an amazing edit.

I'm pretty sure my friends all hate when I do that. (sorry, guys)

I'm in script writing this semester, and while it really stresses me out because I've never done it before, the endless possibilities are really exciting. If I don't like the way something happened in real life, I can just write it into a script with a better ending. Or if someone else has a really great story, I can adapt it.

For instance, say you sort of accidentally publicly turned a guy down twice in the space of an hour. And say that you make things right and the next time the guy asks you out you don't reject him. In real life, you probably go out on a date or two with the guy and that's it. In a movie, you marry the guy and at the rehearsal dinner he mentions in a toast how you turned him down twice in front of people before accepting a date. And your friends and family laugh knowingly and smile at you and you pretend to be embarrassed.

In real life, you go through a bad break up and it rocks your world in ways you never imagined. You take months to get over it and eventually move past the pain but spend a lot of time in sweats eating your feelings. In a movie, your depression takes away your appetite, you lose weight, end up getting a great new job and meeting the love of your life. Oh, and Judy Greer is your best friend.

That's where the good and bad comes in. The good: in a way, I can rewrite history. The bad: it doesn't change what actually happened.

Real life will never be like a movie.

Sometimes, I'm sure it's better. But when it's not...I highly recommend a rewrite.

music monday - John Mayer covering Tom Petty

2011-10-24T12:23:00.000-06:00

Say what you will about John Mayer, but I love him. Seeing him live several years ago is still one of my favorite concert experiences.

Oh, and I love this song.

12:02 AM

2011-10-22T00:02:00.000-06:00

As of two minutes ago, it is officially my birthday in Mountain Standard Time.

Happy birthday to me!

Let's talk wisdom..

2011-10-20T18:15:00.001-06:00

teeth. Warning: I'm about to talk AT LENGTH about my wisdom teeth. Since I missed a whole week of blogging because of them, it seemed fitting to write an update.

Let me take you back a few years ago, to when I was living in New York and my dentist said he wanted to take my wisdom teeth out in the next six months. I was fine with this. I had great dental insurance, and I had friends who could take care of me after surgery, and my mom was only two hours away in case I needed her. So, the time came for my next cleaning and I went in prepared to schedule oral surgery, since all four of my teeth were impacted. But this time, my dentist says that since my teeth haven't moved I should just wait it out. He said I could be 90 years old before they caused any problems, and as long as I wasn't having any pain, I was OK.

Fast forward to last week, and me spending four days doing little more than lying in bed with tears streaming down my cheeks because I'm was in so much pain. I could feel my teeth throbbing in my toes.

Yeah, that happened. Luckily, my parents live two hours earlier than I do, and on top of that they wake up insanely early, so calling them at 4am to cry was an option.

"Get thee to a dentist!" my father said.

Just kidding. He didn't say that. He said that tooth pain is legitimate and the doctor wouldn't laugh at me if I said I had a toothache. The doctor suggested the maximum dosage of Advil and lots of icing and rinsing with salt water. Doesn't that sound yummy?

Let's take a road trip for a moment...back in my senior year of high school I got really sick. With whooping cough. Because I am clearly living in the 1800s when people got whooping cough. It's actually pretty common, look it up.

Anyway, I was really sick. Like....couldn't sleep or breathe or eat or anything. Once when we were reminiscing about it my mother actually said the words "I thought we might lose you." So yeah. Sick. Not near death, but it's good to know my mom loves me. I had to use two different inhalers and take the most foul tasting cough syrup I've ever tasted. But after the first couple times I took that stuff, I looked forward to it. Because I knew that it would make me feel better and stop coughing so I could breathe and/or pass out.

That's what the salt water rinses became. As gross as they are, they are such a relief.

So I'm icing and rinsing with yummy warm salt water and taking Advil like it's my job. And it's not working. I give in and call the doctor again and she called in a prescription for Lortab, which I'd never taken. And hope to never take again. Yes, it stopped the pain, but it also left me so groggy and dizzy that I wasn't sure if it was worth it. Who am I kidding? It was worth it. The point is, I didn't feel right again until about 8 hours after I took the thing. I went to dinner with a friend and took exactly three bites of mashed potatoes before realizing that eating was a thing of the past on Lortab.

Well, after a mess of appointments with dentists and oral surgeons, I'm finally scheduled to have all four wisdom teeth extracted, as well as work done on the teeth adjacent that were damaged by them. Should be a reallllly fun time.

The good news? Harvey is flying out to take care of me for the weekend. I pretty much have the best parents ever. Don't even try to measure yours up to mine. They will always win. Know why? They're short, and therefore cuter than your parents. So on top of being awesome and wise and giving and loving and kind and hilarious and all those things, they are ADORABLE.

Fall in Utah

2011-10-18T11:53:00.000-06:00

At the cabin.

Let's be clear. Fall in Utah has nothing on the east coast. But that doesn't mean there isn't a little bit of pretty.

in Midway

The weird cabinet that we think used to be a fridge.

In Chick's

Driving back from the cabin.

On the way up to Ensign Peak

Ensign Peak

At a tree planting along the Jordan River

music monday - Joshua Radin

2011-10-17T14:25:00.000-06:00

Listening to Joshua Radin reminds me of my first fall in New York. And making chocolate pumpkin cupcakes that I decorated with orange cream cheese frosting and candy corn. And the smell of leaves in Central Park while I waited for the bus in the morning. And possibility. And those are all things I'd like to be reminded of right now.

music midweek - Coldplay

2011-10-06T10:57:00.000-06:00

"I'd rather be a comma, than a full stop."

I love that line. I can't get enough of it. I don't know what it means to you, but to me it means that I'd rather be a work in progress than a finished project. I'd rather have the chance to say more, to be better, to change my mind, to change myself...than have the last word.

Sometimes, I think we get so caught up in trying to be something that we forget how to just be. I don't mean that in some sort of cliched 'enjoy the journey' way, I'm just trying to say that a lot of times we might dismiss who we are in an effort to be something we aren't.

Could I be more vague? This is what happens when my brain is fried from grading midterms.

My point is (I promise I have one): there is no stopping point, there is no full stop.

Unless you put it there yourself.

Excision.

2011-10-04T21:11:00.000-06:00

Remember how I talked about donating some friends like sweaters?

Well, I spoke to a dear friend recently (don't you love that I sometimes speak like an old lady?) and she suggested that some of the people in my life are less like ill-fitting clothing and more like a cancer that I need to excise.

I've never had surgery...but maybe it's time.

Sometimes the radio knows me better than I know myself.

2011-10-03T22:20:00.000-06:00

As weekends go...this one wasn't my best. There's no need to get into it right now. But a weird phenomenon that I've experienced a few times before recurred this weekend/today, and I felt the need to document it.

See, sometimes when I turn on the radio it knows how I'm feeling and plays a perfect set of songs. Like...perfect. It knows what I need. And this weekend, I apparently needed to hear "I Will Survive"...both the original Diana Ross version and the Cake cover. Three times.

It's not really a message I'm ready to here, but I appreciate that the radio is trying.

music monday - teen edition

2011-10-03T11:30:00.000-06:00

That's right, I'm posting Demi Levato. Don't judge.

Dear October,

2011-10-02T14:25:00.000-06:00

Please be good to me.

amateur baker: caramel brownies

2011-09-30T10:23:00.000-06:00

Last weekend I made brownies. I used this recipe but made a few changes based on what I could find/had available. So my actual recipe is below.

1 box (15.25 Ounce) German Chocolate Cake Mix - the original recipe calls for a larger box but my grocery store only had this size in German Chocolate
1/3 cup Evaporated Milk
1/2 cup Evaporated Milk (additional)
1/2 cup Butter, Melted
60 whole Caramels, Unwrapped
1/3 cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
1/4 cup Powdered Sugar

So, the recipe calls for using a 9x9 pan, but I only had 8x8, so I used that. I combined the cake mix with the 1/3 cup evaporated milk and 1/2 cup melted butter, using the same amounts of liquid even though I was using less cake mix than the original recipe. I did this because in the original recipe she mentioned that the batter was really thick, so I figured adjusting the liquid to dry mix ratio would help. It did.

I put half the batter in my greased 8x8 and baked it at 350 for 8ish minutes. Meanwhile, I melted the 60 caramels with 1/2 evaporated milk in the microwave.

I poured most of it over the bottom layer of brownie, saving the rest since I didn't want the caramel layer to be too thick. I sprinkled 1/3 cup of chocolate chips over the caramel, then put the second layer of batter over it all. I found it helpful to shape the rest of the batter into an approx. 8x8 square because it would have been difficult to spread over hot caramel. Oh, I also stirred a handful of chocolate chips into the second layer of batter because I didn't use the pecans called for in the original recipe. Because I didn't know if the person I was making the brownies for liked pecans.

I baked the whole thing for 25ish minutes. Let cool to room temperature, put it in the refrigerator for a few hours to let everything firm up, then sprinkled the whole thing with powdered sugar.

They were delicious. Seriously.

my love list

2011-09-29T13:55:00.000-06:00

Mel recently made a list on her blog of things she loves, and things that she's grateful for, and I thought that was a fantastic idea. So I'm copying.

-reconnecting with old friends
-getting letters in the mail
-chocolate
-watching my favorite movies
-books. all of them.
-feeling the spirit
-when people say they saw something and thought of me
-having my hair played with
-ice cream
-boots
-live music
-my parents
-friends that know me so well they understand me without my saying anything
-magazines
-new shoes
-cozy sweaters
-my teddy bear, Judah
-puppies. and kittens.
-that feeling after a great workout
-checking things off my to do list
-lists, in general
-laughing so hard I cry
-discovering new music I love
-seasons changing
-the ocean
-hearing a song and remembering a moment
-the way fall smells on the east coast
-clean sheets
-seeing people who are happy together. really, truly happy.
-a really good hug

That's all for now, but expect more in the future.

Letters I never sent #1

2011-09-28T15:41:00.000-06:00

Maybe you didn't know this about me, but I write a lot of letters. Like, probably one a week. And they never get sent. Because they're for me. The only time I ever actually sent one that I'd written, the only thing it said was 'I'm sorry'. Probably a bit of a let down for the recipient, but it was all I needed that person to hear.

Today I was writing an email to a friend and had it saved in my drafts. I accidentally clicked on another draft email, one that is over a year old, that I never sent. That I never intended on sending. But the thing is, I love this letter. It is angry, sure, but it is powerful. I wrote it a couple days after a break up and haven't really looked at it since then. The nice thing about these letters I write is that I can say what I really want to say without hurting the other person. Typically I don't say anything in the letters I wouldn't have the guts to say to a person's face, but for whatever reason it's better not to be said.

Anyway, I don't know why I felt the urge to post this, but I did. So I am. Reading this, I can kind of understand why people are a little scared of me. In my mother's words, I was 'raised to be formidable'. The person referred to in this letter took that away from me, a little. And in this letter I got it back.

[redacted],
You were wrong. About a lot of things, but in particular about my wanting that second letter. I didn't. Why would I care about the opinion of a coward and a liar? Did you think it would bring me comfort? Did you think I'd be so broken apart without you that I'd be desperate for an emotional handout?

More than that, did you think I never felt unsettled about you? I did, but I had the guts to bring it up. I didn't let it fester and go to other people for advice instead of the person I was in a relationship with. That's what adults do; they deal with situations. You may think it makes you an adult to have 'serious' conversations all the time and constantly be 'moving forward' but in fact it just shows your immaturity and inability to let things progress at their own rate. While we're on the subject of your immaturity, nicely done posting that you're 'happier than you've been in quite a while...in a big way' on facebook and deleting the pictures of us. I had no idea I was making you so miserable, what with you calling me every night and us spending all our time together. The laughing and smiling really fooled me, I guess. I completely missed the part where I was treating you horribly and bent on making your life miserable.

I do have one question: if I hadn't forced you to make a decision, how long would this have gone on? How much longer would you have continued to make plans with me for our future while secretly being 'unsettled' and apparently very unhappy? I didn't force you to be in a relationship with me, [redacted]. In fact, if you recall I was pretty hesitant about the whole thing and wanted to take it slow. What bothers me is that you lied (and now, your subsequent immature behavior). You acted as though nothing was wrong and then suddenly we're broken up and I'm somehow the bad guy. You made me feel like I was somehow not spiritual or not good enough for you, and that's just laughable. How dare you judge my faith and my beliefs without bothering to find out what they are? What gives you the audacity to put yourself in a place to judge others on anything?

I'd like to share with you some advice that I think will be really helpful to you in dealing with people in the future: You need to learn that what [redacted] thinks is not always right. Just because something is right for you doesn't mean it's right for everyone, and if you continue to behave that way you may find yourself alone for quite awhile. Although I'm sure there is a shallow girl out there just waiting for some man to get in line behind. But (obviously) that's not me. Real people get angry, and sad, and they disagree and that's OK. But in your world they have to be happy all the time and positive all the time and agree on everything. It's unrealistic and it's a lie. But I guess that pretty much sums you up.

Did you think there was nothing off-putting about you? Did you think I was so happy to be in a relationship with you that there was nothing I didn't like? Nothing I would have wanted to change? The thing is, I would never have asked you to change. The only thing I wanted was for you to cover your mouth when you yawned, but other than that I was putting up with everything. Like how you'd insult me, and assume you always knew better than I did, and act like I was a heathen for doing anything that was different from what you did. Also, I never liked your hair. And I let you win that second round of bowling so I wouldn't bruise your fragile ego. I learned my lesson - I'll never be with someone who can't handle his partner being better than him at things.

So, goodbye. Good riddance. I won't miss you.

The pleasure of resisting.

2011-09-27T14:19:00.000-06:00

Source: kpinnyc.tumblr.com via Jill on Pinterest

About a year ago, I gave up celebrity gossip. I used to visit people.com quite a bit, and one day I decided I didn't want to anymore. It didn't improve my life at all, and if anything, looking at seemingly perfect people all the time wasn't good for my self-esteem.

Even though it's been a year or so, sometimes I still am tempted to type that familiar web address when I'm bored. But I catch myself, and I don't do it. And I love that feeling. Of not doing something.

I also recently decided to stop looking at things that make me unhappy. Specifically, facebook profiles. If it doesn't add something to my life, I don't have time for it anymore. I can't tell you how good it feels to NOT do something. To know I've made a decision that's in my best interests, instead of being self-destructive.

Self-control is something I've always been really proud of, but it's also something I have to be careful of. After all, self-control is also what led me to an eating disorder when I was younger. (Don't worry, I'm eating.)

There is something so satisfying about resisting. About being strong enough not to do something you really want to do. About being more than your base desires, or habits, or temptations.

So...give it a shot. Try giving something up that isn't necessarily bad for you, but doesn't enrich your life either. And let me know how it goes.

music monday - The Black Keys

2011-09-26T13:22:00.000-06:00

Am I the only person who thinks this song is really sexy?

This is a video from when they were on Letterman. The official video is pretty Bad A, but I thought some people might get offended if I posted it.

Still sexy though.

The worst movie review I'll ever write.

2011-09-24T23:58:00.000-06:00

I saw Contagion tonight and had such high hopes. I don't like scary movies, but I like suspense, and I was really looking forward to being kind of freaked out.

Well, the only thing I took away from this movie was that you probably shouldn't mess around on Matt Damon, because you might end up dying a horrible, ugly death and starting a worldwide epidemic. Seriously.

Forcing Fall

2011-09-23T14:00:00.000-06:00

Today is the first day of fall!

Prepare for gorgeousness.

Source: google.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: google.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: whatsupmynerdizzles.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

My mission this Fall is to find some really pretty places that remind me of being on the East Coast. Anyone want to help?

I can't promise much, but I can guarantee there will be stops for pumpkin and apple goodness along the way.

PS- Did you notice the colors here are a little more fall-like? This is what happens when I don't plan out my mornings off. I waste time.

ayn rand on love

2011-09-23T11:43:00.000-06:00

“To say ‘I love you’ one must know first how to say the ‘I.’”

- Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

Sometimes I think if I could make a list of my favorite books and make people read them they would understand me a whole lot better. And on that list would be The Fountainhead. Near the top, in fact.

I have been thinking about the above quote a lot lately. Let me add to that: I've been thinking a lot lately. More so than usual, even. There is basically a scary amount of thinking and self-reflection going on.

But back to my point (I have one, believe it or not)...on my (semi) self-imposed hiatus from dating, I have been thinking about love. And what it means to be in a relationship. And I believe more than ever that the quote above from my girl Ayn is true.

How many of us can't say the 'I'? I know I can't be the only one. The thing is, I finally feel like I've gotten to the point where I know what the 'I' means when I say it. I know me. I know the strengths, and the flaws, and all the middle stuff (which is the majority of me).

I wonder a lot about people who are frequently in relationships, and whether they really know themselves. I'm not sure they do. I used to envy those people, who never had to be single. But lately I am so grateful that I had time to myself to get to know me. I'm sure there are people on the other side of the coin, who say that you get to know yourself with another person. But I think they're often rationalizing. I think sometimes they wake up when they're 45 and realize they don't know how to be their own person.

So. Now I know how to say the 'I'.

I just need the person to say it to.

First script reading? Check.

2011-09-22T11:14:00.000-06:00

I could not have asked for more from this week. For quite a while, I've been feeling really insecure about whether I belong in film school. After all, I didn't spend my teen years making movies with my friends, or locked up in my room writing scripts, or watching foreign film or even worshipping Spielberg (b/c I'm not Dawson).

And when you spend your time in class with people who did one if not two or three of the above-mentioned, it can be a little intimidating. Film programs aren't like other programs. Sure, I have to write papers. But more importantly, I have to create a significant body of work. Did you catch that? Create.

OK, so back to how I've been feeling lately...this semester I have to make a documentary and write a script. I know that's only two things, but trust me it's a lot. So when things went well on Monday in my doc class I was pretty psyched. But the biggest obstacle this week was that I had to do a script reading. On the first script I've ever written. Well, the first 15 pages of the first script I've ever written.

And you know what? It went great. I was pretty nervous, because I wasn't feeling super confident about what I'd written, but it was really positively received. Yay!

I know it probably sounds like I'm just being full of myself, but I don't really care. It's my blog and I'll brag if I want to.

Besides, I really needed this week.

in which I get alllll metaphorical up in here.

2011-09-21T10:30:00.000-06:00

There are few things as refreshing as a good purge. And obviously, I don't mean the finger down the throat kind. I mean the closet purge, the pantry purge, the refrigerator purge. The good kinds.

Every season (sometimes more frequently) I go through my closet and drawers and get rid of everything that doesn't fit anymore. And I don't just mean size-wise. I mean it doesn't fit my life anymore, or my body, or my style, or it hasn't been worn in ages but I couldn't bear to get rid of it before now because it had sentimental meaning.

I've been wondering lately...can I do the same thing with my life? Is it as easy to get rid of habits or activities or friends that don't fit you anymore? Would it be just as refreshing? At what point do you donate the friend that you just couldn't get yourself to get rid of even though you know they don't fit your life anymore? Or do you hang on to them, hoping you'll find a way to wear them in your new life?

I get frustrated with myself when I keep things around that only bring me down. Like a dress that I love that just doesn't look quite right, but I don't purge it. And it hangs in my closet, a constant reminder of what could be but isn't. And every time I see it I get frustrated.

I realize people aren't sweaters. And habits aren't shoes. But sometimes, I really wish cleaning out my life were as easy as a trip to Goodwill.

Today, I was perfect.

2011-09-19T17:22:00.001-06:00

For three whole minutes.

At least, that's what my professor said after watching my in-class shoot from last week. It was projected on the big screen, and when he asked who shot it twenty seconds in, I was a little nervous. An early response is either really good or really bad.

But at 40 seconds in, when I zoomed in from a medium shot to a close up and he said 'that's exactly it' I knew things were going my way.

"That was perfect."

Forgive me if I brag, but I OWNED that shoot. And since this particular professor is known for being, ummm, difficult...what he said carries a lot of weight for me.

Yeah, today was a good day.

music monday - Toploader

2011-09-19T10:02:00.000-06:00

Can I tell you about this one afternoon in the fall of my senior year? Indulge me for just a moment.

I was still the new kid from Pennsylvania, still unsure about Massachusetts and 'wicked' and these new friends I was beginning to make. And then this one afternoon happened. Sarah and Rachel and I had been working in the courtyard during APES (AP Environmental Science) and it was warm but just beginning to be fall so by the end of the day it was pretty cool outside. Sarah was craving pumpkin ice cream from this place next to White Hen Pantry so we hopped in her car and went for some.

Pause, to appreciate the amazing-ness of pumpkin ice cream on an early-fall New England afternoon.

We drove back to the school parking lot to drop Rachel at her car, and Sarah was going to drive me home. We put the top down on her car (a hunger green Cabrio convertible). She put on this song that I'd heard before but never this version, and turned up the volume and sped through the parking lot past the field hockey team practicing and looked at me and smiled. And it was one of those looks that just tells you that everything is going to be good, and this is what life can be like and there's nothing to do but live it. The music was loud and pounded in my chest and the air whipped my hair around and Sarah and I just laughed. That remains one of my favorite moments in my whole life.

I was in DC this past weekend for my 5 year college reunion (pause, to realize how very old I am) and saw Sarah and lots of old friends, and was reminded about the way I used to feel about life. I would really like to get back to that.

Anyway, this was that song:

It's still her ringtone on my phone.

I may or may not have the crazy this week.

2011-09-14T15:26:00.000-06:00

Have you ever noticed how as soon as you try to stop doing something it's all you can think about doing?

Like if someone tells you not to scratch, your skin suddenly crackles with dryness and the desire to be scratched. (sidenote: don't you hate when people say they need to itch something?)

Or when you decide you're NOT going to look at someone's facebook profile because it will only lead to hours of melancholy and Adele on repeat. And before you know it your fingers are starting to type the name in the search bar anyway through some sort of muscle memory that has decided to mutiny after years of conveniently remembering piano songs and now only wants to type in THE ONE NAME you don't want to type.

Yeah. That's awesome.

Inspiration from an unexpected source

2011-09-13T22:15:00.001-06:00

Oprah.

Maybe that's not so unexpected to some people, but I've never even seen an episode of Oprah. But a while ago, someone linked to the transcript of her final speech, and some of what she said has stayed with me.

"Nobody but you is responsible for your life. It doesn't matter what your mama did; it doesn't matter what your daddy didn't do. You are responsible for your life."
-my friend Sarah always says: "No one will get you out of bed in the morning but you." Oprah would be proud.

"There is a difference, you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing you are worthy of happiness."

"What I got was we often block our own blessings because we don't feel inherently good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough...the show has taught me you're worthy because you are born and because you are here. Your being here, your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough."
-I once read that creating a mantra and repeating it to yourself throughout the day, every day, changes your outlook. Mine was 'I am enough.' I think maybe I should bring it back.

"I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: 'Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?'"
-Sarah again. When we talk about relationships, we agree that we want a witness to our life. I think that's just another way of saying what Oprah is saying. We want someone to be with us in the small moments to validate our existence. Like the phrase from The Help: You are kind, you are smart, you are important.

"What I've gleaned from this show: Whispers are always messages, and if you don't hear the message, the message turns into a problem. And if you don't handle the problem, the problem turns into a crisis. And if you don't handle the crisis, disaster. Your life is speaking to you. What is it saying?"
-Love love love. The still small voice...

music monday - Paul Simon does it best.

2011-09-12T15:03:00.000-06:00

Not too much to say about this. I can't believe it's been 10 years

When I grow up...

2011-09-10T18:37:00.000-06:00

I want to be like my parents. I know that isn't something people say often, and sure, I want to be my own person.

But seriously? Check out this picture of my parents from my cousin's wedding last weekend.

They were dancing to Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" - my dad picked it out. I just want to be in love like they are. 34 years and going strong.

vintage post: falling for it

2011-09-08T23:16:00.003-06:00

Crunchy leaves. Chilly wind. Pumpkins in any form. Apple cider. Red, orange, yellow, brown. Scarves. Tall boots. Stockings and socks. Puffy vests. Pecan pie. Blue skies. Bundling up. Long walks. Thanksgiving. Sweaters. Hot cocoa. Soup. Cold cheeks. Layering. Packed bookstores. Wasting a day in a coffee shop. Oatmeal. Football. Dark nail polish. Bittersweet chocolate. Fires with real wood. Pancakes with syrup and confectioners sugar. Muffins. Baked goods. Hot Grape Nuts with banana. Blankets. Smores. Pine cones. Roast chicken with potatoes and rosemary. Apples and caramel. Halloween. Orchards. Corn field mazes. Wagon rides. Warm bread, crusty on the outside, soft on the inside. Grilled cheese. Graham crackers. Fudge. Cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla. Rushing into a store while the leaves follow you in. Coats, collars, corduroy.

*written in October 2006, but today's cool breeze made me SO READY for fall.

music monday - Adele

2011-09-05T11:16:00.000-06:00

This is one of my favorite song's off Adele's newest album. She performed 'Someone Like You' at the VMAs this year, and it was absolutely amazing. Seriously, I almost cried. Which could also have been a result of my intense fatigue while I watched. But we're going with the power of her performance.

things I never thought I'd say

2011-09-04T21:10:00.000-06:00

I can't wait to get back to Salt Lake tomorrow.

spread too thin

2011-09-02T15:11:00.002-06:00

I was just trying to make plans with a friend to take a class, and realized I basically have 4 hours of reliably free time a week. Between school and work and TAing and working out (boxing, yay!) I am stretched beyond thin (metaphorically only).

Plus, September is going to be a really busy month. Filled with fun things every weekend, but still, I'd like some time to catch my breath.

Today I'm heading back to the East Coast for my first cross country trip of the month: Philadelphia! Cousin Helen is getting married, so it's back home for me until Monday.

Here's hoping I can be zen and calm and the opposite of anxious on my flight!

oh, thank goodness

2011-09-01T23:00:00.000-06:00

I don't know that I've ever been so happy to see September 1. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of fun this summer, but I am surprisingly glad to see the end of it.

This was a really painful season in a lot of ways, and I'm so grateful that it's time for a change. Even if I'm just arbitrarily deciding that things will change just because the month turned over. Isn't intention half the battle?

a little bit inspired

2011-08-31T22:45:00.000-06:00

Late at night when I wake up or just can't sleep I often end up clicking around on blogs. I can do this for hours, bouncing around through people's links and photos until I fall back to sleep.

The other night I ended up on one (could not possibly tell you how I got there) and saw this post: may not be.

I really love the message behind it, and it's something I need to think about more in my own life. I've really been mulling over confidence and self-esteem and all those things that we all struggle with, and this girl's post (simple and brief as it is) really gave me a lot of perspective.

amateur filmmaker: photomotion

2011-08-30T13:08:00.001-06:00

Remember that photomotion I mentioned? Well, Melissa and Heather and I took over 1300 pictures to make this movie, and it was one of my favorite things from this summer.

There is nothing quite so satisfying as setting out to do a project and actually doing it.

music monday - Fictionist

2011-08-29T17:35:00.000-06:00

in which I don't get to hit anything

2011-08-28T13:40:00.000-06:00

I have anger management issues. These stem from the fact that I have (mostly) unhealthy coping mechanisms, and no method to release the rage that occasionally builds up in me. A couple weeks ago I was so angry that I literally wanted to hit something (which hasn't ever happened before), and so I thought 'Hey! What a great idea! I'll hit something.'

And thus, my interest in boxing. It seemed like a great way to get my aggression out, and get a good work out as well. So I began researching. I found a local class and planned on going this past Tuesday. But then Professor British Accent (who I TA for) decided we needed to chat after class, causing me to miss my class.

Undeterred, I planned all week to go on Saturday. I went to bed early(ish) on Friday night after The Weepies concert, and was up and out the door by 9:10 on Saturday morning. 'I'm so motivated!' I thought to myself, smugly, in the car. And then...I found out that the gym is closing so they aren't holding classes anymore.

That sound you hear is the air being let out of my metaphorical tires.

OK, minor set back. But I had a plan B. Another gym was holding a class at 2. So I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things, went home, baked a little, cleaned my room, etc. I decided it would be a good idea to call this other gym, just in case, and thank goodness I did. For the summer, they move their Saturday class to 10:30, but could I come during the week? They'd love to have me.

Why does it feel like the world is conspiring to not let me hit something?! All I want to do is take up boxing and be like those scenes from that one JLo movie in which she learns to box to beat the snot out of her violent ex-something or other. Only minus the violent ex-something or other. And her butch haircut.

ps-please note the tags: cranky and whining. I am clearly horrible.

summer goals - done!

2011-08-27T11:36:00.003-06:00

When the school year ended, I had sort of a big Summer To Do list:
- bleach stuff
- mend tears
- clean out gmail inbox
- pick/print pictures
- schedule artsbridge interviews
- quit anthro
- clean jewelry
- book covers
- Artsbridge doc

It may not seem like much, but at the time I was working a few jobs and trying to finish a documentary, so getting anything done was a miracle. Well, I'm happy to say that with the exception of cleaning my jewelry (which is on the schedule for this afternoon) I got everything done!

Now, as for my goals for the summer, I wasn't quite as successful:
-eat healthier
-read more
-find a way to enjoy working out
-take more pictures
-make a movie
-write a short script
-learn guitar

I did start learning guitar, read a whole lot more, ate a little bit better, and took many many pictures. However, I didn't make a movie (although some friends and I did make a photomotion that I haven't posted here yet) and I didn't write a short script. As for enjoying working out, I went hiking a bunch this summer, and I really loved it. I hope to do more in the fall and next spring. I really want to hike Mount Timpanogos, but I'm not sure if I can make that happen before it gets too cold.

So there you have it. Maybe documenting all this will motivate me for my Fall goals....we'll see.

music monday - Death Cab for Cutie

2011-08-22T17:14:00.002-06:00

Since in a few hours I'll be listening to Death Cab live, I thought it was appropriate to feature them today.

This is the video for "You Are a Tourist". It was filmed live, in one take, and it's scripted (meaning it's not just a video of them playing at a concert). Pretty incredible. Videos like this get me excited to be working in film.

almost another new year

2011-08-21T19:07:00.005-06:00

School starts again tomorrow. I have a feeling my schedule this semester (between work and school and TAing) is going to kick my trash.

Even though summer doesn't officially end yet, it feels like it's already gone. And there is a lot I'm going to miss about it:

Does anyone else make resolutions at the start of a new academic year? I actually make them at the start of every season (maybe I'll do a post on my summer resolutions). I love fresh starts.

So, for this semester, I'm going to:
-attend all my classes
-write more
-start working out again (I'm actually looking at taking a boxing class!)
-work on my thesis film plans
-not be so hard on myself
-eat real food (instead of living on cereal and sandwiches)
-finish decorating my new room
-keep practicing guitar

It seems like a lot right now...we'll see how I do. I'm really looking forward to Fall.

music monday - guilty pleasures

2011-08-15T18:53:00.003-06:00

I love this song. It doesn't really make sense, but I do. Plus, whenever they do that whistle, I picture a cartoon wolf with his eyes bulging out and the train whistle going off...weird? Absolutely. My brain is a scary place sometimes.

Utah: one year later

2011-08-14T14:15:00.002-06:00

Today marks exactly one year since I moved to Utah. To commemorate it, please find below a list of what happened this past year. I might to a photo retrospective as well. If I find the motivation.

This past year, I:
- started graduate school
- turned 26
- started learning guitar
- bought a longboard
- sprained my ankle
- completed my first paid documentary job
- went to Vegas (twice)
- learned to love hiking
- made a photomotion with friends
- fell in love
- got my heart broken
- kissed a few boys
- saw She & Him, The Decemberists, and Bright Eyes live at the Twilight Concert Series
- bought a bike
- moved to Park City for two weeks to work at Sundance
- read some really great books
- got over my fear of having my picture taken
- moved downtown to an apartment
- adopted cats with Kristy
- found a type of hat I can wear (big. floppy. sunhats.)
- started new jobs and left old ones
- went 9 months without seeing my parents (my longest stretch ever)
- got a little bit tan
- went camping twice
- slept under the stars at Heather's cabin
- baked a cake with a flag inside
- learned to love oatmeal
- got a little bit crafy (and even bought a sewing machine)
- played a few too many games of truth or dare...
- watched so many movies
- survived two weeks of strep throat
- learned that the only person you can count on is yourself
- spent far too many hours crying
- threw some really fun parties (why can't I just make a career of that?)
- floated in the Great Salt Lake

I think that about sums it up.

"That one might look a little nerdy." "It does."

2011-08-12T14:45:00.000-06:00

My friend Clark is here this summer, taking a break from Philadelphia, and we finally met up last week for a hike.

Ensign Peak is behind the capital building, and it's a really easy hike with a nice payoff.

You can see the entire valley.

Clark thinks he looks very James Dean in that one.

After, we went to Memory Grove Park, because it's one of my favorite places in the city. The meditation chapel there was open, so we got the quick tour.

The windows depict each of the four branches of the armed services, since the chapel is dedicated to those who were lost at war and whose bodies were never recovered. The chapel is rarely open, so it was amazing luck on our part that we happened to go to the park that evening.

We tried to take a picture like they do at the Lincoln Monument (since Clark and I both love DC), but I couldn't get a good angle.

For dinner we drove up to Emigration Canyon to Ruth's Diner. Clark really isn't this orange in real life, but I didn't feel like editing the photos.

The title of this post is what transpired after I took that photo. He does look a little nerdy.

amateur filmmaker: my first paid gig

2011-08-10T14:55:00.002-06:00

Behold, the intersection of artistic expression and GETTING PAID:

That's right, it's the first film project I've ever been paid for. It's not amazing, but if you know the details of my work on it, then you'll understand that I'm just glad it's done.

I think I can officially call myself an amateur filmmaker now.

music monday - Matt Pond PA

2011-08-08T06:37:00.000-06:00

Remember how I missed music monday last week? Ooops. I was kind of busy moving/helping Kristy move/working/finishing a doc.

Moving on...Matt Pond PA is one of my favorite bands that no one has every heard of. And not just because they're from PA. They are absolutely amazing and it is a dream of mine to see them live. Seriously. Listening to their music takes me back to driving around in Sarah's cabrio with the top down on the way to the beach. And walking through the woods at home. And wonderful things in general. That's how sappy I am.

breathe in, count to 10

2011-07-27T22:23:00.004-06:00

I keep telling myself I just have to make it to Monday. If I can make it to Monday and get everything done, I'm in the clear.

But the truth is, that's just a lie I'm telling myself. Yes, by Monday I will be moved into a new apartment, and the documentary I've been working on will be done. However...school is starting up at the end of August, and being in a new apartment means a huge change in my life. A change that is terrifying and exciting and wonderful and awful all at the same time.

I think this is how we get through life, by lying to ourselves. It's amazing what we can convince ourselves of, and how many times we fall for the same lie. At times like these, I think about something my dad told me once. I asked him if life ever got easier, and he said "No, you just stop expecting it to be."

So wish me luck, blog readers. That I will finish cutting the doc (and that it won't suck) and that somehow I will miraculously pull of a move in two(ish) days. It's times like these I wish I had better coping mechanisms.

music monday - You and Me

2011-07-25T15:23:00.002-06:00

I hate when I don't have any posts between music mondays...oh well. It's because I'm busy living a life, I suppose.

My love for Dave Matthews Band goes back years and years. I think I was in fifth grade when Under the Table and Dreaming came out, and my sister had the CD. I listened to it constantly, and the rest is history. Dave Matthews was my first real concert: Veteran Stadium (before it was torn down) in 1999 or 2000 (I can't believe I can't remember which!) with Ralph. That was the night we got left behind by my friend's parents and had to find our way through Philly after midnight to get to 30 street station, where my dad came and picked us up (that's a whole other story).

This music makes me happy. And I love this song. I want to dance to it at my wedding, and I want to feel this way about someone.

You and I, we're not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed, we're gonna spin through the stars
Our arms wide as the sky
We gonna ride the blue all the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes

music monday - Foster the People

2011-07-18T22:19:00.002-06:00

ps-That last post was apparently my 100th. Do I get a prize now?

Even though I didn't see the movie

2011-07-12T15:01:00.002-06:00

Below, TED Talk about trying something for 30 days. Needless to say, I love it.

*the movie I didn't see is Supersize Me, because McDonald's grosses me out. Except for McFlurry's, which are awesome.

amateur baker: flag cake

2011-07-06T15:04:00.002-06:00

This past weekend was the 4th of July (duh) so I decided to try my hand at a patriotic cake for a church dinner.

I started by making two red layers, one blue layer, and one white layer.

I cut the red and white layers in half horizontally, and left the blue intact.

Then I cut out 4" circles from the blue, one red layer and one white layer. I stacked them all to create the flag pattern and applied cream cheese frosting (liberally).

Sadly, the people who cut the cake at dinner didn't actually use a knife, just a pie server, so it looks pretty ragged. But I'm still happy with how it turned out. Next time I'll use better food coloring to get brighter colors, and I'd probably make the cakes from scratch instead of using a mix.

Overall, though, a success!

music monday on tuesday - Jason Mraz

2011-07-05T17:41:00.002-06:00

Recently I had to reset my iPhone, and as a result, iTunes re-synced all my music from the iTunes store. It alerted me that five songs I'd purchased weren't in my library and one of them was this Jason Mraz song.

I've been listening to it nonstop since then (maybe a week ago)...and I remembered that it's also the music to one of my favorite routines from So You Think You Can Dance. So, I decided to share the video for that. But seriously, go listen to the whole song, it is running my life right now.

Disclaimer: I'm having a bit of a rough time, and music is one of the only things getting me through it. So apologies in advance if there is a lot of sappiness for a while.

how to change your life in one summer

2011-06-29T21:27:00.003-06:00

Warning: I'm about to pat my own back for an entire post.

I decided at the beginning of the summer that this would finally be the summer I did all the things I've intended to for a long time. Try new things, learn guitar, cook more, read more, etc...

I've had this sticky note on my computer for the past month or so, reminding myself of the things I want to do.

summer goals:
-eat healthier
-read more
-find a way to enjoy working out
-take more pictures
-make a movie
-write a short script
-learn guitar

What I've noticed, as I'm trying to do these things, is that I'm doing lots of new things...boating, camping, playing frisbee, learning to longboard. And I'm loving it. I love feeling like I've accomplished something, even if I haven't. I love feeling like I can conquer challenges and become somehow more than I am.

If that makes any sense. Which it probably doesn't.

My point is (if I have own) that I'm awesome. And summer is great. And sometimes, changing your life is really as easy as deciding to do just that.

music monday - Matt Nathanson

2011-06-27T23:23:00.001-06:00

Love love love this song. And Matt Nathanson. And since his new album just came out this past week (on repeat in my car), I thought I'd post a video. Only there are no videos for the new stuff. So this is kind of old. But still awesome.

sorry to be so melancholy, but...

2011-06-23T01:26:00.003-06:00

I am just in a melancholy mood lately.

Also, I can't type that word [melancholy] without thinking of Smashing Pumpkins. And sixth grade. (Which is when I bought that album...Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness.) And dances at the community center. And the feeling you have when you're young that the world is full of possibilities, and that absolutely anything could happen.

And that's a happy thought. So you see, me being melancholy is sort of good and bad.

music monday - on repeat

2011-06-20T10:40:00.001-06:00

and it all started with a run

2011-06-16T16:10:00.002-06:00

Today, I finally succeeded in my goal for several weeks now: to get up at 8 and go for a run before work.

Now, you might be saying to yourself - 'what's so hard about that? I get up at 6:30 every morning and run five miles, make a protein shake, go to the orphanage and read to the kids all before going to work.' And if you're saying that yourself as you read this...we probably aren't friends. But congratulations.

When you're a grad student, your schedule gets a little funny. And summer break exacerbates the problem. I find myself staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning, struggling to get out of bed at 9.

Well not today. Today, I got up at 8. I went for a run. A longer one than usual. (and then gave myself a pat on the back) I was so awake and fast moving when I got home that I had time to make oatmeal for breakfast instead of my usual cold cereal. But the productivity doesn't stop there. After work I went to the library, grabbed lunch, laid out for a bit in the backyard, read some, did laundry and some bleaching I've been meaning to do (I'll post about that later) and tidied my room a little bit. And now it's 4 and I'm wondering what to do with myself for the rest of the day.

Maybe a bike ride? Maybe a trip to Home Depot for some wood for a project I want to do. Who knows. The world (or rather, the greater Salt Lake area) is my oyster today.

music monday - watch how good I'll fake it

2011-06-13T21:54:00.001-06:00

I listen to this song quite a bit. Sort of all the time.

stalked by Beyonce

2011-06-10T13:41:00.002-06:00

I had this tenth grade history teacher who taught us about harmonic convergence. Technically, it's some new age astrology thing about planets aligning or something. But the way he used it is the way I always have...that harmonic convergence occurs when the universe throws several of the same things at you at once. A little more than coincidence and a little less than fate or something.

I wish I could think of a good example...but I just can't. Maybe something like 'when it rains it pours.'

Anyway...my harmonic convergence of the week is that no matter when I'm in the car lately, "Single Ladies" comes on. I've heard it maybe 10 times in the past week or so. It's ridiculous. And it gets in my head.

But I have to admit, the universe has me pegged right now.

music monday - Parachute

2011-06-06T14:23:00.002-06:00

About two years ago a friend of mine turned me on to Parachute. I was living in NYC at the time, and I listened to their first album on repeat on the bus for a few weeks. (When I fall, I fall hard.)

Cut to now, living in SLC, and Parachute has a new album out. And....they're coming to SLC later this month. I could not really be more excited.

This is the first single off the new album, and I love it.

I went to PA for a week and all you're getting are these awesome pictures and anecdotes.

2011-06-04T05:21:00.000-06:00

My mom tried to show me where they keep the towels. My parents kept all my shampoo and conditioner in the shower. And my mostly empty face wash.

It is so green there. So, so green.

Sarah came up from DC to visit. As usual, we did not take a single picture together. I was reminded how nice it is to be around someone who understands you so completely.

Seriously? So green.

We ate at (almost) all my favorite places: Seasons 52, Iron Hill Brewery, Classic Diner, Rita's, Panera, Christopher's, Riverstone...I can't even remember, but I basically ate out for most of my meals. But when I didn't....

HOME. COOKED. FOOD.

My dad ate this sandwich that was basically an entire crab, fried, between bread.

Sarah and I wandered around West Chester and visited my favorite thrift shop.

I spent almost enough time with Angela. See above re: someone who completely understands you.

TRADER JOES.

Did I mention it's very pretty there? It is.

I played the piano. And brought my guitar back to SLC. Maybe soon I'll learn to play it.

I visited my grandmother and she let me stay for an hour. And she was wise. Bopcha on love: "You have to find someone who's a good balance for you...someone who can mess up and it doesn't bother you as much as if someone else did it."

My parents watched Tangled, and when Sarah and I watched it later my dad kept popping in to tell us his favorite parts. (He liked the chameleon, and the horse that acted like a dog.)

Hours and hours spent with Rachel catching up. I'm a big fan of that girl (and the boyfriend that I finally got to meet!).

And one more just because...

Daily photo: carwash

2011-06-03T21:22:00.000-06:00

Because it's my blog and I can be emo if I want.

2011-05-28T11:11:00.000-06:00

it's the little things

2011-05-26T10:15:00.000-06:00

You know what's the best? When you're watching a show, and the commercials start, and you realize it's recorded and you can fast forward.

Second best? Watching DVDs of a TV show, and it fades to black for the commercial and then fades right back up to picture. There's that moment of dread...and then sweet, sweet relief.

Love it!

music (wednesday) - Dog Days are Over

2011-05-25T14:08:00.004-06:00

Whenever I'm having a bad day, or a good day, or even just a blah day, I blast this song and feel instantly amazing.

I had a rough time a little bit ago, and it's not exactly better but I've decided to feel better about it. And I got some great news today (new job! that doesn't require a uniform!) and it's sunny outside!

I was talking to someone last week who didn't think they were the kind of person I thought they were (how vague can I be?) and my advice to them was to just decide to be that person. So that's the attitude I'm trying to adopt: decide to be what you want. Today, I am carefree and optimistic and hopeful.

Join me?

so random, but...

2011-05-25T12:01:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I don't understand why certain commercials are funny, and I don't know whether it's because I just don't get it, or because they aren't funny.

montage envy

2011-05-17T21:47:00.003-06:00

I'm home in PA! I wish I could say I'm doing something super exciting, but the truth is I'm watching Scrubs. My folks are asleep, and I don't really have anything else to do...

It's an episode where they play a bunch of clips from previous episodes, set to music.

It makes me wish I could make a 'best-of' video of my life, with my favorite moments set to music based on the mood.

I think I'll have to settle for making some fun videos this summer with my free time (which is most of my time).

music monday - Mary Chapin Carpenter

2011-05-16T11:50:00.003-06:00

Have you ever seen Fly Away Home? It's one of my favorite movies. Ever. I'm not sure when I first saw it, but since then it's become a mother/daughter movie for me and my mom. (In fact, I shipped a DVD copy to her for Mother's Day.)

There's a Mary Chapin Carpenter song, "10,000 Miles," that is played towards the end of the film, and it's another favorite of mine. This might sound weird, but there is something really warm about the way it sounds. I wish I had a vinyl version of it (and a record player...).

Did I mention I'm heading home tomorrow? I might be a little excited...

music monday - The Weepies

2011-05-08T08:52:00.000-06:00

Not much to say about The Weepies. Love this song, love the band, love it all.

Done!

2011-05-07T17:41:00.004-06:00

Remember that time I finished my first year of grad school?

That was this week.

This semester kicked my trash. Seriously. Between disappearing to Park City for Sundance, to silly personal drama, to work intensive classes involving group work (which I hate), this was a really tough semester for me, and I am soooo glad to be seeing the end of it.

It's very surreal to be 1/3 through my MFA. It feels like I just arrived in Utah yesterday, and I can't believe it's been 9 months.

In 10 days I'll be going home to PA for a week! I haven't seen my parents since I moved out here, it's the longest we've ever been apart. I'm a pretty big fan of them, so I can't wait to see them.

For now, I'm going to enjoy the sunny weather and the fact that I'm done!

Ugh!

2011-05-05T09:02:00.003-06:00

It's only 9:02 and my day is already a disaster!

Woke up and my left eye is red and irritated.
Went to transfer footage for my documentary and discovered...it's gone!
Got disconnected from the internet, and I've been uploading my final project (for my final today) for hours...and now I have to start over.

I'm a little scared about what the rest of the day will be like.

no music monday today

2011-05-02T09:35:00.004-06:00

I try not to miss music Monday because I (obviously) really love music.

However...in light of the announcement made yesterday, I thought I'd post some really powerful words (without music) instead.

"The cause of securing our country is not complete. But tonight, we are once again reminded that America can do whatever we set our mind to. That is the story of our history, whether it’s the pursuit of prosperity for our people, or the struggle for equality for all our citizens; our commitment to stand up for our values abroad, and our sacrifices to make the world a safer place. Let us remember that we can do these things not just because of wealth or power, but because of who we are: one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." - President Barack Obama

Things that stand between me and summer:

2011-04-29T12:37:00.000-06:00

1. a review session for the class I TA for
2. three hours of pick ups for Jeremy's shoot
3. History of Film final
4. finishing the fine cut of Jeremy's scene
5. grading 90 finals
6. grading 40ish papers
7. writing a couple reflections for my teaching in higher ed class

...could that be it? In seven short days my first year of grad school will be officially behind me!

ee cummings always knows what to say

2011-04-27T17:26:00.000-06:00

because it's

Spring
thingS

dare to do people

(& not
the other way

round)because it

's A
pril

Lives lead their own

persons(in
stead

of everybodyelse's)but

what's wholly
marvellous my

Darling

is that you &
i are more than you

& i(be

ca
us

e It's we)

ee cummings