Me! Duh. It's my blog.

Sundance 2012 is officially o.v.e.r. And I couldn't be more excited. Or more depressed. I'm complicated.

I had an amazing time this year, and I am so so so glad I went. However. I am exhausted. I really haven't known what day it is for the past couple weeks, and I am a little concerned about getting back to Real Life.

But...I have clean sheets. Which are always worth the trouble. And I decided to spend some of my per diem (money they give me for food, but it's basically enough to feed me for 3 months) at the outlets on the way back to SLC.

The fruits of my labor? I'm glad you asked.

A Columbia parka that looks similar to this, but with a pink shell. I needed something waterproof and this was on incredible sale!

A chambray shirt (the one I got super cheap at Old Navy was just not cutting it).

Base layer running tights to keep me warm when it's chilly. Supposedly they'll keep me cool when it's hot, but we'll have to wait and see on that.

An adorable top crazy cheap from American Eagle that I cannot find a photo of online. So just trust me.

Since I spent a few days before Sundance getting rid of a ton of clothes I didn't wear anymore (evidence below) it only seemed fair I replace some of it. I'm still on the hunt for a good pair of winter boots. I love my winter boots, but they are not really meant for heavy duty snow/hiking. I've found some I like, but I'm not into spending $100+ right now...

Sorel Caribou boot - love the utility look, don't love the pricetag

See those piles? I was only halfway through.

OK, I'm done with this weird shopping/welcome back to me post. But it was a nice distraction from all the work I'm avoiding.

Remember when I moved up to Park City for Sundance and basically disappeared from my own life?

That's now.

And while I should be sleeping, I'm awake.

Why?

Because I'm thinking. In a good way. Not only have I seen some amazing films lately, but I took part in an interactive media event with hitRECord (Joseph Gordon-Levitt's production project) that has really rejuvenated me, creatively speaking.

JGL (aka the Hotness) talked a lot about story telling, and creating, and it was exactly what this burned out grad student needed. I really needed to be reminded why I'm trying to make films. To feel, and to think. And to help others feel and think. To not feel so alone. To be vulnerable. We creative people, we really are different from everyone else. There is something inside us that urges us to connect and express and not be scared even though it's scary.

I guess what I'm saying is that if I have to be kept up at night, inspiration is a pretty good cause.

I have watched this video a lot of times. A lot.

PS: how is it possible that The Black Keys rocks so hard? And why are they coming to Salt Lake when I'm going to be in Europe (probably)?

I would apologize about the girly nature of this post, but once again, it's my blog. And the majority of my consistent readers are ladies (but alas, not commenters, haha) and thus have lady parts and understand what I'm talking about.

So, without further ado, how I can tell when I'm PMSing:
- I listen to "Bridge Over Troubled Water" over and over again, because Simon & Garfunkel really get me.
- I usually cry when listening to it.
- I go through a lot of Hershey's syrup.
- I listen to Taylor Swift a lot, because she really gets me.
- Every five seconds something else sounds good to eat. This also happens when I'm really hungry though.
- My room feels SO CROWDED and I debate throwing everything away to live as a minimalist.
- I have a sudden urge to read through old journals/blog posts.
- I start hating all my clothes and feeling fat and the only remedy seems to be a face mask because it's the only action I can take in the moment.
- Lauri and I talk on the phone about eating entire pans of brownies. We don't actually do this, but we threaten.
- I suppress the urge to call my parents because I know I will only end up crying when I realize how much they love me.
- I spend days denying myself a Carl's Jr. Oreo shake because I know once I have one...all willpower will disappear.
- I bite my nails. Weird, right? I only noticed that I do this recently. The rest of the month I'm fine but PMS hits and suddenly I can't keep my hands out of my mouth.
- My lips get chapped - what is that about?

All right, I have to go throw out everything I own and make a black and white shake. Sometimes I'm so cliched.

PS - Since I'm talking about girly stuff...sometimes my roommate and I like to gross each other out by talking about lady medical things in really specific terms. Like instead of a period we say 'my uterus is shedding its lining (in homage to a college roommate of mine) and we say words like 'mucous plug' and 'placenta' and 'cervical dilation' until we're laughing hysterically/about to vomit. Love that girl.

omg edit: right after I posted this the next song on my itunes shuffle came on and it was a recording I made of my childhood music box that I now use as the ringtone for my parents...yup, crying. 

No class with Jordan this semester, miss him like woah (but I'd never admit that to him).

Here are some more awkward classics...

after taking a sip of generic brand Cola: "This tastes like two gummy bears had sex."

Jordan: You smell so good. You smell delicious.
me: You're creepy.
Jordan: Why is that creepy? I want to cut you up and eat you.
Jeremy: It's a little creepy.

...and then later I pointed at him and he leaned forward and tried to bite my finger.

later...
me (in response to some creeper comment he made): You're a creeper.
Jordan: Why am I a creeper? Is this about me eating you?

Today I taught a college class for the first time. Not a presentation, not a mini lecture. A full class. My students. 70 of them.

I kicked ass.

And I'm not sorry for bragging. Because I put a lot of thought into what I was teaching, and I prepared. And it's that preparation that allowed me to throw some of it out the window and go off on a tangent that might have left me standing in front of 70 students staring at me with blank faces and metaphorical crickets chirping. But instead, we discussed. They raised their hands, they shouted things out. They were into it. And so was I.

Today I rose above. And it felt so good.

I used to hate this song, but now I love it. And it was perfect to listen to tonight. Too bad it's not the actual video from Glee.

Even though I've been on 'break' from school since mid December, the past few weeks have been busy busy busy. And life is about to get even crazier. I have to move up to Park City a week earlier than anticipated, and with school starting on Monday I don't even know which way is up right now.

So I thought I'd take a minute to breathe and remember the small things that make me happy.

1. clean sheets
2. a new toothbrush
3. towels warm from the dryer
4. warm chocolate chip cookies and cold milk
5. the cool side of the pillow
6. first kisses (usually, unless they're terrible)
7. snuggling with a puppy (or a kitten)
8. hot cocoa with marshmallows
9. laughing until your stomach hurts
10. good hair days

I wrote this a while ago, but I've been doing a lot of thinking on it, and I felt like New Years was a good time to acknowledge it.

I rang in the New Year coughing and sneezing and aching. Oops. Guess all that travel and school stress caught up with me. The trip home was worth it.

Today I've been laying low and watching Netflix. But really all I want in the world is You've Got Mail. I'm pretty sure Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan would cure me.

Right? Right.